With a chance to have a winning record for the first time, I was tasked to write a 59-word story that took place before, during, or after a rock concert. This week, I was contestant #2.
“You lied to me.”
“You would have said…”
“No? Maybe. I might have said yes.”
“We paid seventy-five dollars! Now what?”
“This is so unfair!” Sofie ran upstairs.
He sighed. There’d be no Halestorm tonight. Hailstorm, maybe. He wondered if he was a good father.
“I hate you!” she yelled, slamming her door.
He loved her like crazy.
MATTHEW: Now, I really liked BOTH of these. Nicely built and delivered stories, believable situations, and kept me interested throughout. I have to say, though, the last line of story 2 just killed me. Really drives home the bad-guy parent doing what he has to do, even when it hurts. WINNER: #2
Novak – #1 does a good job of setting a scene and getting into character motivation, but there’s no much conflict to speak of. Petty for 59 words, but when it’s up against the ultimate conflict in #2, that kind of matters. #2 is another great approach to this challenge. I’m impressed by the topic. A bit heavy handed with the “wondering if he was a good father” but you had to get that point across somewhere, I suppose. One of my favorites this week. #2 wins.
ANDY: Neither of these really captured me like I would have hoped. #1 just isn’t an original enough idea for me. #2 is slightly more original, but didn’t quite bring me all of the way there. Again, as I stated in an earlier critique, I think I was looking for something a little edgier this week. I enjoyed #2 a bit more and that’s my winner tonight.
Result vs. Dean Carlson: WIN (3-0)
Current Record: 4-3
Next Match-Up: AMR (4-3)
I have never been a rock concert before, so I figured I’d be better off writing from a position I’m more likely to be in the future (having a kid go to one). This one had a huge rewrite as it was all dialogue at first.
Right now I’m in a massive tie for the final playoff spot. No time to rest!