Play With The Prose 6: Challenge 7

Don’t go too early.
You’re tired. But everyone’s tired.
But no one is tired enough.”

She smelled fantastic. He inhaled her scent again, tweaking a nipple with his free hand. They had met only hours earlier, but it felt like they had a connection. Not like an infatuation, though he’d experienced that more times than he could count. This woman felt less like a conquest, and more of a partner. She anticipated his desires, ones he didn’t even know he had. That’s why he was staying longer than usual, and why he was sad that he had to leave.

“I wish you didn’t have to go,” she said in earnest. Grabbing her nightgown, she went to the bathroom, leaving the door open a few inches. “I really enjoyed you.”

He agreed. He made a point of loudly getting dressed, and prattled on about the office and what an ass his boss can be if he’s late. Opening his briefcase, he pulled out his 9mm and aimed it at the bathroom door.


He was an amazing lover. She had come three times and she was thinking of asking him to go again. Most of these guys were pitiful. She had to fake pleasure–and entire conversations–more times than she could count. It was a new thrill to almost be in the moment with someone. She told him as much, then grabbed her nightgown and headed to the bathroom.

“This has been an amazing night,” he said in earnest. But the rest of his conversation was obviously contrived, as was the noise he was making in the bedroom. Without hesitation, she grabbed the 9mm behind the toilet and threw open the door.


“This is unfortunate,” he said. “I really like you.”

“I like you too.” Her voice was weak, belying her position.

“We would make a great team.”

Her lip quivered. “Do you think…could we?”

He could really use someone like her on his side. And some joy in his life. “Yes,” he said. He lowered his weapon and smiled. Then he crumpled to the floor.

”I disagree,” she replied to no one. She watched his lifeless body bleed out before her. “Though I wish I didn’t.”

K: Alright, ya got me. This is almost too Hollywood blockbuster, but a complicated relationship will draw me in every time. I think a no-death ending would have actually worked better dramatically, though I understand the urge to make it feel like the story’s ending. Anyway, I suppose it’s a little predictable, but the prose was smart enough that I’m not sure how much I care. GOLD

CP: All right, I snorted when I got to the end of this one. At first I disliked the writing because it tells way too much and shows way too little. But once the woman grabbed her gun, all was forgiven. This is ridiculous, and I mean that in the best way possible. SILVER

That’s…more than I expected from the judges. I’ll take it for sure, as well as my current second place standing.

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