All posts by Beau

The Dreams Of My Father

Dance with eternity
Chortled my master
Dance…

But I said no
and woke up

I heard him beckon
But he was drowned out
By the noise of my Father

Time to get ready

Swim to the sky
I heard showered above me
Swim…

But I said no
and dried off

I felt her beckon
But her words were devoured
By the mouth of my Father

Time to get going

Nourish your world
Growled within me
Nourish…

But I said no
and muzzled the hunger

I heard him beckon
But he was broken
By the fists of my Father

Time to get working

Rest the hands
My mind beseeched
Rest…

But I said no
and worked harder

I felt her beckon
But she was damned
By the words of my Father

Time to get wasted

Strengthen your soul
Preached the bum on the corner
Strengthen…

But I said no
and ignored my spirit

I heard him beckon
But he was destroyed
By the hate from my Father

Time to get dinner

Love me tonight
Whispered the woman beside me
Love…

But I said no
and prayed heed to my master

I felt her beckon
But she faded away
In the dreams of my Father

The Dream Recycling Center

Tomorrow thrives on broken dreams
For tomorrow is the dream recycling center

Attention everybody! Step right up!
Come and drink from tomorrow’s cup!
I hand out dreams, and that’s my decree!
Get them while they last! Today they’re free!

Here’s an upper management position for you
And a Ph.D. for the man in blue
A white picket fence for the lady in white
And a trip to Paris, oh what a site!

These dreams could be yours!
It’s easy, you see?
Work hard and be proud!
Just remember, they’re free!

What’s that you say?
No time it seems?
Just cancel some plans
To follow your dreams

The rewards will be plenty
Don’t worry, they’ll come
Work hard or to failure
You’ll surely succumb

Your dreams never came?
Surely a mistake
Tomorrow’s perfect
For Heaven’s sake

You’re dying? So sad
This fills me with sorrow
That soon for you there
WIll be no tomorrow

You whisper with hope
One more dream please
Something to put your
Frail mind at ease

Don’t worry, don’t fret
Alas, have no fear!
Tomorrow’s your guide
We’ve got everything here!

Tis love you wish for?
Wonderful indeed
Let me go search for this
Last thing you need

Oh, sorry, I’m afraid
I’ve got some bad news
Love’s the one thing
That tomorrow eschews

You see love ain’t exactly
A predictable lot
We tried long before
But make it we could not

So I fare thee well
And wish you the best
And hope that you’ve passed
The ultimate test

Meanwhile I’m busy
Got more dreamers to see
I’ll just recycle your dreams
And offer them free

Lest I Have Wings

Wrapped up in cynicism
My defense of all things
To protect me from falling
Lest I have wings

Wrapped up in cynicism
A cloak for my heart
Readily convenient
When things fall apart

Wrapped up in cynicism
An excuse at the most
To lift up my ego
While berating a ghost

Wrapped up in cynicism
Mind over matter
Results in the bleakness
Of indifferent chatter

Wrapped up in cynicism
A joke to their ear
But sadly my soul
Only sees fear

To Err Is Human?

Last week turned out to be fairly popular (and I’m still working on my next list) so this week you get the rest of my poetry that’s okay for public consumption. Hope it’s not too angsty for ya’ll.

To err is human
But I will contend
That err is subjective
As human minds bend

To change is human
Just look to the past
But compared to our fathers
Our knowledge is vast

To grow is human
But remember we die
And to say we’re more moral
Would just be a lie

To die is human
The end of the line
But that would not make us
Different from swine

To believe is human
That somwhere is hope
But where has hope got us
How can we cope

To love is human
Most wonderful state
Seemingly flawless
But what about hate

To err is not human
Of that I’m aware
But even more likely
To human is err

Today’s A Gift

I had landed my space pod
Down by Cobra Lake
When I was accosted by a snake named Caesar.

I started to laugh about his name;
he said, “Actually, it’s quite germane.”
“I was almost a salad.”

I inquired if he was packaged in cabbage.
He said, “No, romaine.”

He stuck his fangs into my heel;
I asked if I was his next meal.
He sank in deeper.

“Is that poison?” I asked out of habit.
He said, “How should I know?”
“I’ve never done this before.”

Before I could speak, he said his
Future was at stake.
And if he could just leave Cobra Lake…

So the two of us hopped into
My road-ready shuttle
To search for the nearest new home

And as he blithely pondered new life
I contemplated my past
Two souls striving to decipher

We drifted together…

Into the path of a very present Dodge Viper.

The Friendless Frog

I wrote the following on the back of receipts while I was cashiering at Target. That fact doesn’t relate to the poem in anyway, other than to say boredom can be inspiring.

A Peruvian frog
hopped on my lap
and croaked “Hello chap!”
“What’s shakin’?”

I looked into his beady eyes
He smiled and said, “You be surprised?”
“Well, no” I replied.

Then he did a somersault.
I yawned.

He stuck out his hand
An ampersand
Tattooed in lavender;
I showed him mine.

“What’s it take?”
The frog inquired.
I just stared up at the sky
and smiled.

I thought he got it when he sat
Quietly, upon my lap.

But then he perked his head and said
“You buffoon!”

“I cannot jump over the moon!”

Steering

My, oh my
Said the cow, to I

No good to mulch
This grass is yellow
Now what now
Two legged fellow?

Tis green, said me
Cannot you see?

A tasty lunch
I show to you
Just bend like this
And start to chew

Well, oh well
Is this not a sight?
I give thee my bell
For I walk upright

I went to protest
This necklace of new
But my speech consisted
Of only a moo

The Buck Stops Here

My list inspiration fizzled this weekend, so for this week anyway you get to sample some of my poetry. Don’t worry, this is not the angsty high-school stuff; I’m shielding everyone–even myself–from that. Thankfully, I had some fun ones, especially during undergrad. You’ll notice I enjoy antrhopomorphizing animals.

One day I was driving, down highway sixty one
When I ran over a squirrel, who was blinded by the sun

I blamed the sun for squirrel’s death
It was too bright for him
But the sun said my apologies
I’m burning hydrogen

So I blamed Lee Iacocca
For building shitty cars
But he said roads will have them
Until we settle Mars

So I blamed the squirrel’s parents
For him not learning how to cross
But they said humans built the roads
It’s your fault for our loss

So I blamed God for squirrel’s death
For He’s kept humans thriving
And when He did not respond
I smiled and kept on driving

I passed the buck, and now content, with the squirrel dying
I got home, out of my car, and then was struck by lightning

Leisure Suit Larry 5: Passionate Patti Does A Little Undercover Work

Year: 1991
Designer: Al Lowe

One can sum everything up by stating Larry 4 was by far the superior game.

Leisure Suit Larry 5 is the most abominable commercialized computer game ever, though I admit I have not played Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude. Al Lowe hated the latter and went out of his way to make sure people knew he had no role in its design. For some reason he hasn’t apologized for this game yet.

The “new and improved” graphics are so wretched that after five minutes you’ll find yourself wishing you were staring directly into the sun. The music will make you want to go listen to a middle-school band performance. The point-and-click interface is only there to give you tendinitis. The puzzles are insultingly easy, the worst of them having you get into a wrestling ring where you must grab as many female private parts as you can; it’s like whack-a-mole, only less arousing. The great news is you can skip several of the puzzles if you feel like three hours is too long for an adventure game. The plot is more thread-bare than the women Larry meets. Nearly every joke falls flat. There is not one redeeming quality in this entire game.

Play it only to see how low Sierra sunk in the early 90’s.

Space Quest IV: Roger Wilco And The Time Rippers

Publisher: Sierra
Developer: Sierra
Year: 1991
Platform: DOS, Windows, Mac, Amiga, PC-98

Rating: 1

One one would think that taking a previously hilarious science fiction character and throwing him into a time travel story would be the easiest formula for success, but Space Quest IV is one of the laziest adventure games I have ever played, putting me to sleep even with a walkthrough at hand.

Roger Wilco, per usual, is gloating about his success in the previous Space Quest games when he’s captured by Vohaul’s goons. At the last minute, he’s saved by some mysterious men and zapped headlong into Space Quest XII, in the middle of his now desolate home planet. After figuring out where he is, Roger must thwart events happening in the future (a la Marty and Doc), save his own skin, and get back to his own time. All along, he’ll be traveling to other Space Quest games to do so, trying to avoid Vohaul’s police force.

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Sadly, most of what happens during the game feels more like it belongs to Leisure Suit Larry’s universe than Roger’s (including an over the top narrator). Very few of the game’s puzzles relate to science fiction, and are often tacky and obtuse (which also describes the graphics), including some unbelievably boring arcade games (e.g. making burgers!). Worse yet, many of the puzzles require extensive backtracking; I think I spent more time walking from one place to another than I did interacting with the game world. The only interesting diversion is a trip to Ulence Flats from Space Quest 1, but this excursion lasts only a few short minutes.

When Sierra updated their engines for point’n’click play, their games in every one of their long-standing series temporarily suffered (even Police Quest 3, which I enjoyed). It was as if the designers and producers spent so much time playing with their new toy that they forgot what made their games great in the first place.  Many people consider this their favorite game in the series and one of the best adventure games ever made. Usually when I hate a game, like with Broken Sword or Syberia, I understand why people would love it. With Space Quest IV, I’m left utterly baffled.