Synopsis:  A scientist–whom we know is not a scientist because he’s not one-track mind crazy–comes back in time to “observe” the Enterprise crew in a crisis.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Would be lower on list, but Robin Williams couldn’t play the part

Review:  A rather inane episode for thirty-five minutes or so until Picard and Rasmussen have their one-on-one in the ready room when Picard begs him to let him know what the future holds.  It’s a pretty awesome confrontation.   Then we have the not surprising at all ‘gotcha’ ending when Rasmussen is apprehended.  What bothers me is that the spacecraft from the 26^th century disappears, presumably to the past, and nobody seems to care.  Isn’t that a really, really bad thing that was proven by Biff Tannen with the Grace Sports Almanac?

Synopsis:  Worf dies, and we learn very little about ethics.

Memory Alpha Summary:  I mean, Worf lives, and we learn very little about ethics.

Review:  I mean, really.  Crusher is so obviously right here at every turn when it comes to ethical medical practice that it’s not exactly riveting stuff.  Of course, we also have the ethics of Worf’s planned suicide and whether or not Riker should help him, but I imagine there’s probably a Star Fleet regulation against helping fellow crewmates commit suicide, especially while they’re both still commissioned.

That said, I love Riker’s monologue with Worf, and Alexander is not annoying.  It sets the stage for Troi becoming Alex’s godmother and the furthering of Troi and Worf’s relationship.  I’m also impressed with how far they took Worf’s death.  Most time characters die in the teaser, and you know they’re going to come back to life; you’re just not sure how.  Worf death gradually builds, so the first time you might wonder?  But no, he has “backup synaptic functions?”  That’s some pretty sweet-ass evolution if you ask me.

Poker Critique:  Geordi says he peeks through Worf’s infrared transparent cards, but only after the hand is over.  That’s still cheating!  One of the benefits of folding is not allowing your opponent to know what you have so they don’t learn your style of play as easily.

Synopsis:  Worf’s human brother (what?) decides to play God and savior to some humanoids he falls for.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Still not in Kansas anymore

Review:  Season seven was notorious for exploring previously unknown family members of the crew and recycling plot lines from earlier seasons.  In this case, we get Who Watches The Watchers, only worse in every way.  There is virtually nothing new here, other than the solution, which is pretty hackneyed.  I mean, every single villager was asleep at the exact same time when they beamed them to the holodeck?

Meeting Worf’s human brother is neat, but it’s not as satisfying when characters make one-shop stops on the series when there are important emotional ramifications that never get answered later.

At least “The Sign of LaForge” is made me laugh.

Synopsis:  Trek’s science lesson about REM sleep.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Not what R. Kelly had in mind

Review:  I love how Picard sends five of his senior staff on the away mission.  Five!

Unbelievably, an entire episode about REM sleep is made somewhat interesting because the science behind it is real and showing how losing REM would affect the crew is kind of fun.  But the episode is nearly all talking and it plods along at an incredibly slow pace.  On top of it, Troi’s flying scenes have to be one of the worst things this series ever produced.  Truly terrifying.

At least Guinan gets to fire a laser gun.  And Data orders Picard to go to bed.

Synopsis:  Beverly gets moist for an amnestic patient and tells Wesley all about it.

Memory Alpha Summary:  As Worf says, less talk, more synthehol

Review:  A very slow episode.  Our visitor affects a lot of people on the ship.  Beverly “connects” with him.  He makes Geordi suddenly awesome with women (though only compared to his former clumsy self).  He nearly kills and saves the lives of the crew.  And then he evolves into pure energy.  I guess the episode makes the point how evolution is awesome and governments shouldn’t stop it, but it seems more like a straw man conflict to me.

The bad guys threaten to start firing on the Enterprise if they don’t return the visitor, and then decide to give them two hours to decide.  A lot of enemies of the Enterprise do this.  Why give them time to think about it?  Well, if they didn’t, we wouldn’t have a chance for Picard to give another speech in the conference room, so there’s that.  At least they didn’t say, “two of your Earth hours.”

Synopsis: Picard gets his first try at fatherhood, and further proves that he’s actually better with kids than most of the crew.

Memory Alpha Summary:  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Review:  Despite how uncomfortable he claims to be around kids, when he’s forced (due to Troi’s enormous guilt trip) to try to be a parent he winds up showing more skill than Beverly ever has around Wesley.  And he’s the only member of the crew willing to consider that perhaps this boy would be happier with his adopted parents than his biological grandmother, whom he probably doesn’t remember.  And that’s because the crew shows prejudice towards an alien race they don’t understand.  Huh, shocking.

This is a painful episode to listen to, and not just because the crew is prejudiced and Beverly insists that Wesley try to make friends with every teenage humanoid that walks in the door.  The pain is literal what with all the Talarian screaming that goes on.  While the screaming may be meaningful to understanding the Talarians, it doesn’t make for a pleasant experience for the viewer.

Synopsis: Worf further proves he cannot raise a child nor think fourth dimensionally.

Memory Alpha Summary: Bat’leth to the Future

Review:  Alexander is apparently almost thirteen years old now.  Seriously, how short are the years on the home world?

While the climax–finding out simultaneously that the family friend is in fact Alexander in the future and that he’s trying to kill his younger self–is a pretty impressive one, it takes so damn long to get there that it’s hard to stay awake in the mean time.  To that point, it’s just another “Worf is a bad father and Alexander is shamed for daring to question Klinglon myths” episode.  And then it’s over, without any real resolution, other than Worf promising yet again to try not to suck so bad at parenting.

At least we get Riker negotiating with Quark, which is the highlight here.

Synopsis: Crew members are tired again!  Dang you REM sleep!

Memory Alpha Summary: Not as well-written as Cartman Gets an Anal Probe

Review: While Data’s poetry reading (Ode to Spot) makes for an underwhelming teaser, it’s quite clever and hilarious, not to mention a little touching.  One would think that the crowd would have enjoyed it more.

As for the mystery, it doesn’t quite all come together.  Some weird shit goes on, then the episode picks up steam when the four officers come together in the holodeck to recreate their memories.  But then when we actually see Riker awake in deep subspace, he’s there for about sixty seconds and the aliens are…kind of lame.  Then we get a teaser like we did at the end of The Neutral Zone, yet we never see these aliens again.  In this case, no loss.

Synopsis: Picard negotiates a peace treaty which gives Riker another chance to please a helpless servant girl.

Memory Alpha Summary:  A dish best served not at all

Review:  There’s a lot to like here, but sadly even more to dislike.  As for the latter, Riker getting off on helping a victimized girl blossom is not only gross but out of character for him (he tends to like strong women).  Second, the fact that Yuta is the “bad guy” is revealed way too early, making all of her future scenes with Riker feel pointless.  Third, the end scene is simply major exposition until we get to the good part, which is Riker vaporizing the girl he just fell for.

Meanwhile, the sets rock.  The negotiations are solid.  And yeah, Riker vaporizes the girl he wanted to turn into a woman.  (of course, why he can’t just stun her until she’s unconscious is never explained)

Ah, I almost forgot to mention that Wesley once again shows what an immature brat he is, getting all righteous on Brull for his past crimes.  These writers suck.

Synopsis: Wesley resigns, until Star Trek: Nemesis.

Memory Alpha Summary: Trail of tears

Review:  So…the Spaniards overtook the Pueblo, yet French-born Picard’s great-great whatever’s name was La Pierre and he fought with them?  That seems convenient for the plot.  And really, this whole talk about someone in your family line causing a stain on further generations is stupid with a capital S.  If we go back six-hundred years, everyone has an ancestor who was a prick.  Give it up.

Crusher’s run on Star Trek ends in a way that makes sense for his character, though it’s pretty hammed up.  The traveler finally gets to make his erotic dreams about Wesley come true.  His mother gets to tell him to dress warmly on other plains of existence (I’m glad I hadn’t just eaten when I typed that).  I’m glad for Wesley, as it seemed StarFleet wasn’t for him.  But his character, as written, never seemed all that “special.”  Just precocious and booksmart.

The only part I enjoyed was Admiral Nechayev getting a chance to finally look like a decent human being who has to be a hardass for her job, not just another insane admiral.

The Maquis concept was born from this episode as well, which helped out both DS9 and Voyager, so yay.