Synopsis: Lieutenant Barclay gets caught in an embarrassing moment of holodiction.

Memory Alpha Summary: Choppin’ broccoli?

Review:  Near every young man who grew up watching Star Trek had to have fantasized about what it would be like to use a holodeck for unseemly purposes.  It’s about time somebody on the Enterprise did.  Naturally, they couldn’t show Barclay actually having sex, but what he gets caught doing is perhaps just as embarrassing.

Simply put, this episode is funny as hell.  We get Picard slipping up Barclay’s name after admonishing the crew for his denigrating nickname.  We get Geordi subtly acknowledging his own inappropriate jonesing for some holodeck lovin’.  And then Barclay’s fantasies are perfect, with his superior officers acting like weasels and Troi and Crusher acting like goddesses.

As far as recurring guest stars go, Barclay might just be my favorite.  It’s kind of nice to have someone on board who’s kind of a screw-up, as it makes the future seem a bit more…human.

Synopsis: Where we finally hear the end to Crusher’s “Jean-Luc, I may never get another chance to say this…”

Memory Alpha Summary: We also see sexy uniform sweat.

Review:  I have to comment that the phrase “With all due respect” gets used way too often on the series, especially since it’s really a euphemism for “I fucking hate your guts, but…”

After seven seasons we finally reach the point where Picard and Crusher finally spill their guts to each other, even if it’s only because they have no choice.  Their interactions while telepathically linked are actually quite touching.  Sadly, when Picard finally makes his move, he gets shot down.  Vashar shot him down.  Kamala shot him down.  Nella left.  And now Beverly completely crushes him.  The only time he ever gets to truly be with anybody was as Kamin.

This might be my favorite individual performance by Gates.

Synopsis:  The Enterprise crew violate the Prime Directive again…and actually care this time!

Memory Alpha Summary:  Picard has come a long way since emotionally raping the Edo girl.

Review: Accidentally making their presence aware of Bronze Age humanoids could  have resulted in a very self-righteous, hammy episode.  But this one has much more poignancy than I would have thought and I found myself loving it this time around.

For the first time, Beverly stands up to Picard when she violates the prime directive even further, while Picard almost orders her to kill a patient.  Of course, then she fails to replicate a procedure successfully done by Pulaski, so she’s not out from under her superiority yet.

What makes this episode truly shine is that it deals with religion in a masterfully subtle and respectful way.  Unlike Kirk, Picard shudders at the thought of being considered God by another species.  He struggles with the decision as to whether or not to perpetuate this culture’s belief that he finds illogical and destructive or use his technology to advance their scientific knowledge years beyond where their culture would have naturally developed.  There’s no easy answers.  The only hard moral that comes through is that  Roddenberry fully believed that invoking God in the name of violence was disgusting and immoral, and it’s one of the reasons I love Star Trek.

Synopsis: Data becomes part of a collection of rare antiquities.

Memory Alpha Summary: Fortune and glory

Review:  A very talky episode that fortunately is supported by a really good story.  I found one of Riker’s quotes especially poignant when he says that for an android with no feelings, Data evoked a lot of emotions in everyone else.  Well, Fajo, who kidnapped Data, is quite similar.  A classic antisocial personality, he virtually has no real depth of feelings, yet can make everyone around him very emotional.  Thus, Data, ironically, is his perfect foil.

The final scene, where Data has to decide whether or not to murder Fajo, is also brilliant.  The ending is left ambiguous, implying Data’s programming was so conflicted by the situation that he was neither honest nor dishonest when Riker questioned him as to whether or not he fired at Fajo.  It sends chills down my spine, which Spiner can easily do.  On a different day, this episode might be Top 20.

Synopsis: After getting pressure from his pimp crew, Picard finally has sex!

Memory Alpha Summary:  Only forty-seven more times to catch up with Riker

Review:  The second consecutive episode in season three that is pretty much all Patrick, and I’m not complaining.  His range is again on display, as his usual serious nature broadens to include being sexual and funny as hell.  Hetrick is great as Vash (his love interest), a character who definitely deserved to come back again (but in retrospect, maybe shouldn’t have).

This episode has two fantastic quotes that I can’t help but share.

Riker to Picard, after being asked if everyone knows he’s being pressure by the crew to take a vacation:  There are two ensigns on deck 39 who know nothing about it.

and…

Riker to Picard:  Have I mentioned how imaginative the Risian women are, Sir?

Deanna: *all but rolling her eyes* Too often, Commander.

Synopsis:  The Bynars provide upgrades to the holodeck of death (which will somehow only last one episode—the upgrades, not the death), and Riker falls in love with a dame in this computer-generated gin joint.

Memory Alpha Summary: Unfortunately, the Bynars also last only one episode.

Review: Picard begins this episode by saying he has been delighted that the Enterprise  has performed beyond expectations.  I suppose he didn’t remember cursing at the ship several times and nearly getting killed by the holodeck twice.  Thankfully, the rest of the episode is all uphill.  Wesley is given the bridge despite how incompetent everyone thinks he is, while Riker and Picard get seduced by the Bynars holo-creation, Minuet (no, not that kind of seduction).  Carolyn McCormick nails the role, and seeing the captain and his commander engaging like this is a fun treat.  Also, Riker lays the smackdown on both Geordi and Data, making fun of a blind man teaching an android how to paint.

Getting to see the self-destruct sequence is a treat, and watching Data pout “I should not have been painting” is another dynamite quote delivered by Spiner.  A damn good episode, a nice break from the crapitude of season one.

Synopsis: Spock’s daddy gets Alzheimer’s.

Memory Alpha Summary: Are you crying?  There’s no crying!  There’s no crying on Vulcan!

Review:  Wesley gets a high five after scoring a major slam on Geordi.  “At least I don’t have to find my women on the holodeck!”  24^th century burns are the best kind.  Then Beverly says she slapped Wesley and Deanna asks her, “What were you thinking?”  What we all were, Deanna.  What we all were.

The funny stuff aside, the confrontation scene between Picard and Sarek is pretty powerful.  The species the Federation hopes to strike a relationship with is unfortunately just a MacGuffin to serve Sarek’s appearance, but at least it’s a good one.

Synopsis: Spock!

Memory Alpha Summary: Peace and long life

Review: The series’ first two-parter that wasn’t a cliffhanger, Unification does a good job at reintroducing Spock in a sensible, logical manner.  80 minutes may have been a bit longer than was necessary, especially Riker’s investigation of the missing Vulcan ship (although it was kind of fun).  What it does do well is provide a lot of great dialogue between Picard and Spock, and one final appearance for Sarek before his death.

Synopsis:  Q makes Riker his bitch.

Memory Alpha Summary:  But not his Imzadi

Review:  John De Lancie is magnificent here, even better than in his debut.  “Oh, your species is always suffering and dying,” starts this one out with a bang.  Then he calls Worf “macro-head” and I am completely hooked on this character.

The one blip in this episode is Tasha being put in the penalty box.  Denise Crosby is NOT good at crying on screen.  It doesn’t help that she’s given awful lines like “it sounds strange but it definitely isn’t.”  However, Stewart saves this scene by telling her that he’s established a new rule on the bridge that it is okay to cry in the penalty box.  This is the patient, sensitive captain this crew needs, and it’s great to see Picard act this way.  Tasha is obviously impressed, replying with, “If you weren’t a captain…”  and Picard somehow manages not to act creeped out by the sexual undertones of that statement.

Another hilarious (perhaps unintentional) meme from this episode is how everyone calls Q’s creatures “animal things.”  Talk about scary!  And vicious!  Animal things, oooo!

Riker’s very rapid change into dickery once he is granted Q’s powers seems a little off base, but it’s fun to see his colleagues knock him off his pedestal.  Of course, he turns Wesley into an adult male that looks nothing at all like Wil Wheaton, so I guess his powers weren’t perfect after all.

Synopsis:  The Enterprise comes upon an abandoned freighter and find some naughty Klingons who hate the fact that their people signed a treaty with the Federation.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Duty, honor, loyalty.  I think Klingons would make excellent Marines.

Review:  The beginning of this episode is really cool as they board the freighter and Geordi attaches a visual acuity transmitter so that the bridge can see exactly what he sees through his visor.  In addition to being visually interesting, the exchange Picard and Geordi have about what he sees and Picard instantaneously developing a deeper empathy and understand of one of his crew members is quite moving.

Hilariously, before they board the freighter, Picard tells Riker and his away team to be careful, as the situation seems suspicious.  Riker quickly says, “I agree, it smells like a trap.  Let’s go.”  What?!?!

This episode marks the first of ninety-eleven episodes where Worf struggles with his inner desire to be a screaming warrior Klingon and his loyalty to soft, sexually unappetizing humans.  But this particular episode was overdue, as to this point we knew virtually nothing about the first Klingon on a Federation ship before.  And they do a pretty good job at exploring Worf, as the really self-destructive aspects of Klingon culture are not glorified here, while Worf is allowed to explore some of the more honorable aspects of his people.