Play With The Prose II, Challenge 4: Playground Equipment

This week our 59-word story simply had to include a piece of playground equipment.  I was contestant #2 this week.

His twenty-first victim lay awkwardly, impaled by the obelisk.  He supposed any park would have sufficed, but Central Park seemed to carry considerably more flare.  Twirling his cane, he fondly remembered his first victim, now swimming in the Mediterranean.  His finale, an epic display, would be along the Atlantic City Boardwalk.  He couldn’t wait to read the Times tomorrow.

MATTHEW: Is Story 2 another Hurricane Sandy story? Well, no matter, it’s interestingly written, but still feels like it skims over what could have been a more interesting telling of this character’s actions. Meanwhile, Story 1 makes very clever use of a teeter-totter, and has a funny payoff. And since story 2 doesn’t seem to really involve a piece of playground equipment (what could the obelisk be? A slide?), I’m tilting over to story 1. WINNER: 1.

ANDY: I like both of these stories. #1 has a nice, original story idea, and although #2 doesn’t seem quite as original after reading the first group, the flow of the language works well; it reads very easily. I have found after judging these after a few weeks that I seem to be rewarding original ideas and good flow of language the most, so these are both strong entries for me. The language is slightly more awkward in #1, and I have to give a slight edge to #2, as it feels a little more polished. Close call.

Novak- The first story seems similar to the kind of thing I might come up with, and feel very proud of myself for how clever I was.  I’m proud of this author for being clever too.  Pride because I assume I inspired it somehow.  The second story seems to bite off a bit more than it can chew.  The middle sentence about the first victim, and the last about the Times, are perfect.  The rest of it all might be a bit too caught up details (twenty-first victim) that obscure the emotions captured in the other sentences.  The win goes to the very clever author of #1.

Result vs. David Larson: LOSS (1-2)

Current Record: 1-3

Next Match-Up: Erik Dikken (1-3)

David’s story was amazing, so I have no problem losing this week.  I just wish at least one of the three judges had picked up that my story was about a “Monopoly Killer.”  I can understand why it wouldn’t be immediately apparent, especially if you haven’t played a lot of Monopoly, but I didn’t want to just come out and say it, either.  I think I could have done more justice with the idea if I had another 50 words or so.

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