Play With The Prose II, Challenge 13: Guns

Our job this week was to write a 59-word story that involved a gun being fired.

Meldon brought over his revolver, the lovable bastard.  Seeing his war buddy was almost enough to change Jack’s mind. But not after another painful manhandling, courtesy of his nurse’s aide.  Life couldn’t go on, not like this.

“Jessica?”  His aide turned, smiled, then dropped like a ton of bricks.

“One down,” Jack said, wheeling out of his room.

MATTHEW: Story 2, though, had more going for it from a story standpoint. Just…not a whole lot. Maybe it was the “One down” at the end, but the story felt too callous for me to really allow me to empathize fully with Jack’s decision. Still, it WAS more of a story. I think that just allows it to edge out the first one. Juuuuust barely. WINNER: #2

Novak –  #2 is, in it’s own disturbing way, fun.  Old folks getting even?  Showing they can take care of themselves, so to speak?  Yeah, that means #2 is a win in my book.

ANDY: Sorry, #2, but I guess I’m looking for something a little more than just a straightforward disgruntled guy shooting people. Winner to #1 for the nice effort at creativity.

I think this might be my weakest effort of the season.  I was going for dark comedy, especially since we don’t know Jack’s motivations for killing perfectly innocent nursing home employees.  I do like how he duped Meldon into thinking the gun was for suicide, but it still doesn’t completely come together for me.  Thankfully, my opponent decided to go for a far-reaching, complex pun and it didn’t quite hit with two of the judges.

Result vs. Erik SundbergWIN (2-1)

Current Record: 9-4

Next Match-Up: Sarah Johnson (9-4)

I’m now in a three-way tie for second place with two weeks to go, but still have not secured a playoff spot.  Beating Sarah will not only assure a playoff spot, but give me the chance to get a first-round bye.  If I lose to her, the best I can hope for is third place.

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