Play With The Prose 6: Challenge 5


“The first time we ever quarreled you were cutting an onion in the kitchen of our cottage”

“Olivia Jane!” She had just unwrapped a sucker. “You already brushed your teeth.”

“Finish the story, Daddy!” She defiantly began sucking.

“and then the witch snuck up behind Hansel and Gretel and shoved them into the oven. The End.”

“Daddy! That’s not how it ends!”


They push the witch in!”

“Really? That’s now how I learned it.”

“Your way makes no sense, Daddy.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to understand.” He sighed. “Unless you think you’re mature enough…”

She nodded her head vigorously.

“Well, Hansel and Gretel eat a lot of candy, right? Candy has a lot of sugar. If you have too much sugar, it gives you diabetes.”

Olivia took the sucker out of her mouth. “What’s that?”

“It’s a permanent illness that makes you sick all…the…time. And you have to get shots every day.”

Olivia stared at him.

“So–and this is the most important part sweetie–when Hansel and Gretel burn up in the oven, it’s like they’re dying from diabetes.”

With a jolt, Olivia flung the sucker into the wastebasket.

He kissed her on the forehead. “Goodnight sweetie.”  Before she could respond, he left her room and closed the door. Mom was waiting.

“She told me today she has a boyfriend at school.”

“No worries,” Dad said. “Tomorrow night it’s Cinderella.”

DK: This is cute and I think it hits the marks it sets out to hit.  I like the interplay between father and daughter, and the effectiveness of using the story to his advantage.  SILVER

CP: Heh. Given that just before judging I spent far too long trying to get my 4-year-old into bed, I can definitely appreciate this one. I also like that we see this play out as a scene. As a parent, I’m a bit dubious it would be that easy to get Olivia to part with her sucker, but I’m willing to suspend my disbelief for the time being. The resolution of this one felt nicely satisfying. SILVER

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