Synopsis: Enterprise D: Judgment Day

Memory Alpha Summary:  No ticket!

Review:  It’s been a full season since the holodeck nearly killed members of the crew, so what the hell; let’s bring it back one last time to try and kill off the entire ship.

This episode has a lot of neat imagery, but it feels mostly hollow to me.  The babble about how the Enterprise computer could have become self-aware and created a new lifeform is half-assed, and then nobody seems worried that the computer won’t just do this again someday and jeopardize the crew. The third to last episode of TNG was representative of season seven, recycling old ideas with lazy writing.

Synopsis:  Troi becomes, according to the producers, “sexy and scary.”  Well, one of them.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Apparently, the writers “gangbanged” the script.  This review had no such treatment.

Review:  Because we didn’t get enough “ambassador who is awesome at negotiations but oh so fragile” in Loud as a Whisper, we now have a guy who dumps his bad emotions on hot chicks and then pretends they’re his mother.  Yeah.

There are some fun scenes in the script, including Troi seducing the terrified ensign and calling another officer a whiny bitch in a counseling session.  But then the episode turns into Unnatural Selection where Troi gets so old she almost dies and then her cells magically return to normal again once things are fixed.

Reduce, reuse, recycle.

Synopsis: Lwaxana Troi is so horny she falls for a holodeck bartender, Or: Where Tracy Tormé says ‘fuck it’ and combines all of his idea into one plot.

Memory Alpha Summary:  The #1 fact about this episode is that the writer used a pseudonym to protect his name.  That says it all.

Review:  This is one of the weaker scripts for Lwaxana, as she basically acts like a broken record, setting up jokes for the rest of the crew.  Data gets the best scene, as Picard encourages him to tell long, esoteric anecdotes to break up his ‘romantic’ dinner with Lwaxana.  It’s always fun when Picard plays on the holodeck, but in this script it’s just another way to set up more antics for Ms. Troi.

Wesley proves that he’s also racist, showing severe discomfort around the Antedeans because they’re ugly.  At this point I’m convinced all the writers hate Wheaton.

Synopsis: Wesley’s gone!  Wesley’s gone!

Memory Alpha Summary: Don’t let the door hit you.

Review:  The team who wrote and produced this episode universally loved it (and believe me, they’re not afraid to bash their own work), and for the life of me I don’t understand why.   Almost exactly like Samaritan Snare, there’s a very contrived subplot with Riker at the helm that prevents the crew from helping out Picard and Wesley.  This episode is better, but not by much.  Dirgo’s idiocy is obvious and only there to contrast the level-headedness of our perfect ensign, so when he dies it feels gross.   And while Wheaton does a fine job in his last episode, I am just not feeling this fatherly relationship that Picard is supposed to have towards Wesley.  Finally, the fact that after four seasons they couldn’t give Wesley even a modicum of social skills—not even politeness—is maddening.

Picard’s last quote, to Wesley:  You will be missed.  To borrow a phrase from the year this episode came out…not!

In case you haven’t noticed, this is the first episode from season four on this list.

Synopsis:  Data gets his circuits raped by yet another maniacal scientist.

Memory Alpha Summary:  But he was asking for it

Review:  How come nearly every scientist in the Federation is a one-track minded crazy person?  Anyway, there’s not much to comment on for this episode.  It could have been really interesting, but the audience knows too much too soon and the crew avoids the obvious problem for too long.  Spiner is great, of course, as he gets to play a less violent, more whorish Lore for twenty minutes.  The best part is probably the final scene, as Riker messes with Data and his short-term memory loss.

Synopsis:  Two human cultures (one techy, one Amishy) that separated 300 years ago are brought back together…both wanting some Riker DNA (chica-bow-wow)

Memory Alpha Summary:  Attack of the clones

Review:  Two pretty embarrassing episodes in a row.  I like this one better than Samaritan Snare because the plot isn’t as stupid and it’s occasionally funny, but it’s yet another statement episode (in this case, pro-choice).  Riker, who has matured since season one, slips yet again and decides the best course of diplomacy is nookie.  At least his prize this time is actually human.  Also, the Irish stereotyping goes just a wee too far.

One bright spot is (again) Pulaski, who is developing a strong bond with Worf that will unfortunately only get to last a few more episodes.

Have a good holiday weekend everyone.  I’m moving to my new house on Saturday, and hopefully will have new posts starting Monday.

Synopsis:  Picard sees the wizard for a new heart, and Riker helps a race that wants to make their ship go.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Rumors of a sensical plot within have been greatly exaggerated

Review:  This episode is an example of the tenuous potential that bridges seasons one and three.  The awkwardness (Wesley notwithstanding) is no longer there, but the strength of storytelling is still lacking.  For starters, how the hell does a race as stupid as the Pakled get into space in the first place?  They’re cunning only in the basest sense, but when the tables are turned on them they are too stupid to realize it.  The rescue plan is bloody hilarious, but it still doesn’t negate the ridiculousness of the trap.  On top of that, Troi, the only person on board who senses that the Pakled are up to no good, is conveniently not around until after Riker sends Geordi into the trap.

On the other hand, I love the Picard subplot.  And I love Pulaski.  When Crusher orders Picard to do something, he rebuffs her until she gives up, her loins aching.  Pulaski doesn’t take his shit for a second.  She’s the perfect complement to him.  And even though Wesley (who is traveling with Picard to take his exams) is again given the “Kick Me” sign again with asshole lines like “You’re not too comfortable with me, I understand sir,”  Picard handles it with grace and leadership.  We learn a significant part of his past, his run-in with the Nausicans, a part of him that will be revisited later on.  Unfortunately, the ending is contrived, with Pulaski having to save his life, but at least Picard gets to drop a Mark Twain quote at the end.

Synopsis:  Geordi violates more protocols with his “mom” than he did with Aquiel, but for what it’s worth isn’t quite as unethical.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Unlike the reading rainbow, this interface cannot take you anywhere.

Review:  While I’m glad to see that Geordi finally has a family, this is just not a terribly interesting episode.  The “brand new” interfacing technology seems not all that fancy compared to what’s already on the Enterprise.  And I just didn’t get all that worked up about Geordi finding his mother.  Perhaps it was because I didn’t sense any chemistry between he and his mother.  It seemed Crusher family-like.

Also, Data acting unethically here by helping Geordi…I don’t buy it.  While it’s very human, I can’t imagine his ethical program allowing for the multiple loopholes in protocol that he exploits.

The only part I liked was the final scene where Picard disciplines Geordi for his actions, but then has the decency to apologize to Geordi that he couldn’t find his mother.

Synopsis:  Worf wants to light candles and bond with a boy orphan.  Yeah, exciting shit.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Please sir, I don’t want some more

Review:  The first clunker of season three was the first episode written by Ronald Moore.  Jeremy Aster’s character is pretty bland, and the actor who plays him is fairly blah, even for a child actor.  Thus, I don’t really care about his fate.  Also, the episode finale is just endless talking, with the adults telling the children how they should feel.  It’s all very paternalistic to me, and I wasn’t moved at all during an episode I felt should have been moving.

Picard finally says that children shouldn’t be on starships due to fact that they haven’t “signed on” to the risks.  Valid point, sir.  However, I think the children who live on a starship would make the best officers.

And, lo and behold, Troi is quite useful as the counselor, giving some pretty decent advice to Worf…which he promptly ignores.