The broad challenges tend to bring out the best writing, and this week was no exception.  Our job was to simply create a tense story with a cliffhanger, in 500 words or less.

Edward King’s father hadn’t beaten him in eight days. He wasn’t entirely sure why he counted. He did know that twenty-one more days and it would be a record. And maybe hope.

Sometimes Eddie wished he went to school in a bad neighborhood, where some kids were lucky if their parents chose to buy food instead of heroin. He could then fantasize his life as better than that of his friends. But every minute he spent away from home was a cold reminder that he didn’t have one.

What kept Eddie from deliberately working on an escape plan was Mom. She couldn’t protect him from his father’s “corrections” any more than she could protect herself. But he knew she cared, and that was enough. Eddie couldn’t wait until he was old enough to protect her. In nineteen days was his eleventh birthday. Almost an adult.

His birthday was one reason Eddie was sure he wouldn’t break his record. But his report card was another. It came today and his father knew it. And Eddie knew the only thing his father would care about was the B-minus in pre-algebra.

The harsh clanging of the garage door jolted Eddie out of his self-pity. Sitting down at the kitchen table, Eddie stared at the report card, hoping to get this out of the way.

His father came through the door and set his briefcase on the table. Eddie sensed his father looking at him, then the report card, then back. He tensed as his father’s hand came to his forehead. But his father simply ruffled his hair before silently walking towards the stairs.

Eddie couldn’t tell whether to be relieved or frightened, but goose bumps shot up his arms. Unfortunately, this debate would have to wait as a scream from upstairs broke his paralysis.

Normally, he would go outside so he wouldn’t have to listen. But this time something compelled him to walk up the stairs. As he did, Mom’s protests became softer but more desperate. Reaching his parent’s bedroom, he looked carefully around the door jamb. Then he took a step back.

Mom’s blouse was torn. Half-naked, she looked helpless on the bed as his father towered over her with his dick out, stroking it. Not knowing exactly what his father planned to do, but knowing it was bad, Eddie reacted. “Mom!” he shouted from the doorway.

His father’s glare darted from his mother to him. He expected shouting, but his father calmly pulled up his slacks. “Edward. Get the hose.”

Shaking, Eddie made his way to the garage. This task normally was humiliating, but right now he only felt fear, and rage. Pulling the hose off the far wall, Eddie considered destroying it, realizing that doing so would only make things worse. But then he noticed the adjacent cabinet was slightly ajar. His father’s .45 was lying on the shelf.

“Edward, you shithead!” he heard in the distance. “Get up here!”

Eddie closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Coming!”

Spooky: Yep, you had me skipping breaths here. It starts out sounding like an obvious and manipulative Lifetime movie, but it soon spirals into something much more interesting. Also, “His birthday was one reason Eddie was sure he wouldn’t break his record” is perhaps the greatest heartbreaking line I’ve ever read in this game. 5

I was hoping someone would comment on that line.  It’s probably my favorite.  It’s funny, though.  In Bantam Bulwyr when I used random names, you felt they were symbolic.  This week I was very careful about what name I picked, yet no comment :)

DK: Great, disturbing situation, and the tension is really palpable. I felt a few of the early sentence structures were a little awkward, but again I’m being really pedantic to force myself to find separation. I’m just finding this week really great overall. 4

When I finished writing this, I was at 587 words.  Most of what I chopped down was in the beginning, so the awkwardness is probably due to that.

I’m really pleased with these scores.  I didn’t feel I had a pure cliffhanger, as this story could end right here and be totally fine.  But the conclusion is not forgone, so there’s that.

The Vogons did not finish in first place for the first time, though our team still had an exceptional week.  The other entries were just that good.  Unfortunately, we had one more non-submitter from another team, so the voting is yet again a formality.  Fourteen players left!

The challenge this week was to actually pick from a grab bag, and this is the challenge I took.  The goal was to cover a fantastic story, but in the vein of the Los Angeles media, focus on something completely vapid instead.

…and not only did he grow up here, he now lives on an avocado ranch.

I did not know that about Tom Selleck! Well thank you for that, John. Up next is a story that is sure to interest some of you. And to break it is our own weather girl, Bri. Hi, Bri! I see you have your Pasotti umbrella with you.

Thanks, Christina. And I’m afraid I may have to buy a new one after today.

Why is that, Bri?

Well, as you can probably see, it is indeed raining Milk-Bones.

That is interesting. Have you spoken with anyone regarding this development?

Yes, just a minute ago I spoke with Dick Wolf. He said he was in New York and didn’t know about the weather here, but he assured me that he and his family had nothing to do with it.

Thanks, Bri. And have you tried Michael J. Fox?

I did talk to his agent, who was with him. He said Michael couldn’t come to the phone, but that he was just shaking at hearing the news. I told him to ask Michael if the bones came from Canada, and I was hung up on.

That does sound suspicious. Is there anyone there you can talk to?

Most humans have decided to remain indoors during this event, but I do have a bull terrier with me. He’s being pelted by a deluge of Milk-Bones, but does appear to be enjoying one as well.

Is that Spuds McKenzie?

I don’t know, Christina. Should I put my Ray-Bans on him?

I say go for it!

Okay! Here. We. Go. Can we have a word from you little Spudsie?

Rrrff…au-au!

I think that says it all. Back to you, Christina.

Thanks, Bri! So John, how ‘bout them Lakers?

Spooky: God help me, the vapid early show vibe here made me giggle a lot, and there were two legitimate belly laughs. “He’s being pelted by a deluge of Milk-Bones, but does appear to be enjoying one as well” might be the line of the evening (or season?). Good job, submitters. I wish there had been two more of you. 5

DK: The ridiculousness of the event is only outpaced by the ridiculousness of the coverage. Which is, indeed, the point. Good job. 4

This is my best week ever playing this game and am a little psyched.  Now to keep it up for about twelve more weeks!  The Vogons’ streak of finishing in first also continues.

I’m not exactly sure how I came up with “it’s raining Milk-Bones” but when I thought of it I was giggling too much to not do it.  At first I considered contrasting the absurdity of the morning show commentary with a dramatic scene involving a dog and a sick child, but could not figure out anyway to make that work (i.e. I learned from my mistake last week).  So I tried to see how many jokes I could fit into 300 words.

Interviewing a wolf and a fox was a bit obvious, so I decided I had to throw in deeper lever jokes in there.  For those who missed it, wolves are part of the Canidae family in taxonomy.  Spuds McKenzie died 18 years ago, so just the fact that they thought it might be the real one was another subtle jab. Pasotti is a luxury line of umbrellas that cost well over a hundred dollars.  I wanted a vapid sounding L.A. name, and Bri is the name of a weather girl in Los Angeles.  If you ever read this Bri, I am sure you are an amazing forecaster that doesn’t eat Milk-Bones.

And yes, Tom Selleck lives on an avocado ranch.