This week our goal was to get with our seven teammates and create a story.  Each of us wrote a different section and we then had to make them mesh.  My section (sixth of eight) was “Rallying The Troops” and I went as metaphorical as I feasibly could with that, as the only troops were a single man and his conscience.  You can read the whole story here.  Our team did very well with an overall score of 4/5 from the judges, and we do not have to eliminate anybody this week.

And here’s my part, alone.

“Damn Gipetto,” Roger muttered, as he put his hand on the stick. He stayed on the gas for a quarter mile, but his conscience eventually ran out of plausible excuses for not turning back. He glanced at the clock, sighed, and took the next ramp.

As he approached the wretched man, Roger looked for signs of life but saw nothing obvious. Part of him hoped he would fine none, as much for the man’s sake as his own. But as he nudged the man’s arm with his boot, he heard a faint cough. “Alright, buddy,” Roger whispered, hoisting the man up and into the bed of his truck. “You owe me one.”

Driving faster than even he considered safe, Roger looked down at his new passenger, as well as the fresh blood now staining the seat. His stare was greeted with one from the stranger. “Thank you,” the man said, his voice trembling.

“You got a name?” Roger asked.
“Thomas.”
“A last name?”
His new friend passed out.

And the judge’s reactions.

Spooky: I suppose we’re getting metaphorical with the “rallying the troops” thing, but I’m guessing every team will do that. I’m starting to see that it’s difficult to score these without thinking of the rest of the story, by the way. Maybe just one score would have made sense. On the other hand, I may feel that way only because this team has been VERY good at keeping the style consistent throughout. 4

DK:  Strong consistent atmosphere, and something about the way this one is written strikes me a little bit more than the other ones (just the effectiveness of the language or something). 5

And that, my friends, is my first ever score of five in Survivor.

Week one was an optional week for the contestants in order for everyone to get their feet wet and get to know their teammates.  22 out of 24 contestants showed up to play, including all eight on my team, Nibbish & His Vogons.

This week’s challenge is almost always the first challenge as it is short and accessible.  Very simply, write an entire story in exactly 59 words.  Scoring is on a 1 to 5 scale.  Here’s what I put out:

Jackie finished her lunch, said goodbye to her friends, and went outside to wait.

“Hey Jacqueline!” she heard behind her. “Are you expecting someone?”

Jackie hated that name. Looking up at the shrill voice, she replied sternly, “Yes, my mother is coming to pick me up. I’m taking her out to lunch.”

The nurse sighed and walked back inside.

And now for the judge’s comments.

Spooky: Hey, we have some layers here. Spoiler alert (oops, I forgot that was a team name, but I mean this): a little deception goes a LONG way with me, and Jackie has some going on here. I also get a sense of who she is just from the way she hates her proper name. I can’t tell if Jackie is a mental patient or if she’s just a deceptive nurse, but I’m sure this is interesting either way. 4

DK: Simple, but effective, without a “Gotcha” or anything, and the two lunches thing suggests a depth of conflict at the same time as the story itself is complete and satisfying. 4

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So, a good start.  I was kind of expecting these scores, and I got them.

I actually wrote this in my head while I was driving to work.  When I got home, I typed it up, and it was 58 words.  I found a place to add an adjective I think, and it was done.  The last couple of times I did this challenge, my original story was 20 to 30 words longer and I had to really pare it down.

Next week is a team challenge, and with the group of guys I got around me, I’m pretty excited about it.