Synopsis: The second episode and TNG is already ripping off entire plots from the original series.  And nobody gets naked (on-screen).

Memory Alpha Summary:  Indeed, it did happen.

Review:  While a delightfully risky episode, it simply came too early in the series, before the audience really knows the characters.  Thus, the context for the humor cannot be as appreciated as much until later.  However, it does establish some key relationships and personality traits of the main crew.  Beverly is cute as hell and she and Picard complement each other well.  Wesley shows some glimpses of his precocious arrogance, but it can be forgiven considering he was drunk.  However, the writers will soon exploit this to aggravating proportions.

Not only is this a poor man’s version of Naked Time, the episode has some pretty significant and obvious script flaws.

After the hatch of the Tsiolkovsky is blown, Data tells Picard that the sound they just heard is impossible.  Then they quickly prove how it indeed was possible.  Data would never use a work like “impossible” unless something truly was.  Even then, he would likely say “theoretically impossible” or “highly improbable.”  And this isn’t just an issue of a character not being developed yet.  Data is an android.  His programming should not allow him to say that word in this situation.

Despite Data’s explanation of how he could be infected, I just don’t buy it.  He is immune to every biochemical problem the crew faces for seven seasons, yet something that enters his pores here can make his computer program emulate a drunken person?  At least it made for an iconic moment, and gave Tasha Yar more action than she ever saw as security chief.

Even though Wesley has Picard’s voice–which would be needed to transfer command of the ship–how could he do it without an authorization code?  Sloppy writing, that’s how.

I wonder how I would rank this episode if I saw it for the first time back in 1987.  Of course, I had just turned seven years old.  I probably would have turned it off and played Excitebike.  Also, this episode aired two days before the Twins faced off against the Tigers in the ALCS, so I’m sure I had other things on my mind.

Synopsis:  The entire crew gets duped by Tasha’s sister because Troi just isn’t good at reading emotions.

Memory Alpha Summary: Yar she blows

Review:  Not a whole lot to this episode, other than a rather banal allegory to gang warfare.  Data being betrayed by his new friend could have been pretty poignant, except he was just betrayed three episodes ago in Brothers, and I didn’t really buy how quickly the Enterprise crew trusted Ishara.  Troi voices out loud that Ishara’s leader is crooked, and says she’s pretty unsure about Ishara as well.  And yet they jump into this war with hardly a second thought because they miss Tasha?

We hear that this society severed ties with the federation 15 years ago.  Yet, Tasha was being exploited by rape gangs 30 years ago.  Why would the federation have had ties with them?

Moreover, the captain is warned that these gangs kill ALL visitors.  The first thing he does after hearing this news?  Orders Riker to assemble an away team of senior officers.  Right on.

Finally, Worf shows an unseen before (though we’ll see it later) sexist streak while trying to get Beverly to not go on the away mission.

I love it when Data tells Ishara that he and Tasha had “many conversations.”  No word on how many of them ended with, “It never happened.”

Synopsis: Riker’s whoring around nearly destroys the Federation, and Wesley saves the day.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Ashley Judd’s first on-screen kiss!  And Marina Sirtis’s first make-out session with a chocolate sundae.

Review:  It’s been a long time since Wesley got to be the only person on the ship smart enough to prevent disaster.  And this time he gets help from Ashley Judd, who like many isolated girls in the 24^th century, fall for dopes.  At least Wesley doesn’t act arrogant this time around.  I do like how Wheaton and Judd work together here so the episode isn’t too unpleasant.  But I’m having a hard time buying that Wes was the only one on board who was ultra suspicious of this game.  Did they tie Picard down and force him to play it?  Or did Beverly seduce him with it?  Hey, look at that—chase scene!

In reflection, several more things annoy me about this episode.  This is neither here nor there, but why are students studying Latin at the Academy?  While it’s not a useless subject, what’s the point with universal translators?  I imagine there has got to be more pressing science-fiction stuff for him to learn.

Second, Lefler’s laws are basically a bunch of lame platitudes.  Granted, she started them as a teenager, but I’m going to go with she’s just simple-minded, because that also explains her falling for Wesley.

Three, the takeover plan using this game is ridiculous.  Even assuming one gets everyone on the Enterprise addicted, having crew members pass them out at Starfleet just seems like a disaster waiting to happen.  Someone’s going to catch on.  The sinister plot is an embarrassing insult to the audience.  If not for the charming romantic subplot and the above average chase scene, this episode would rank in the bottom twenty.

Synopsis: The Enterprise finds a long lost society of humans (back from when the Federation kept shitty records) that have been genetically engineered for a predestined, perfect life.  But the crew proves to them that GE does not always bring good things to life.

Memory Alpha Summary: The script went through the hands of five writers.  Too many engineers in the pot, I think.

Review: Troi wants to see more of Conor’s colony.  That’s the first sign that she’s about to violate some ethics right there.  Thankfully, Picard still remembers what it was like to be horny in season four, so he forgives her major transgressions.

This episode is pretty much Ensigns of Command, only using a hot topic rather than an alien race.  I much prefer the alien race.  It seems less contrived.

I was kind of enjoying seeing this race battle with their own independence until Picard has the gall to say that the prime directive should have been used because their arrival has been just as destructive as any core fragment.  Shut the fuck up, Picard.  The core fragment would have killed EVERYONE.  Destroying their way of life will make their lives difficult for a long while.  But they’re not DEAD.  And it’s not like you would have saved their society by denying asylum to those who wanted it.

Synopsis:  Taking her turn in the season seven family reunion, Troi finds out she has a sister.  A dead sister, but whatever.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Of course, being seven season, she has to first hallucinate her dead sister.

Review:  Lwaxana’s final episode on TNG is her second best, six seasons after the best.  The five seasons in between of her character being only annoying was a crime.  The writers finally decided to give her some depth and a reason for her being an insufferable mother.  She’d get a couple damn good episodes on DS9 at least.

Synopsis:  The Enterprise picks up a passenger who proceeds to bang all the female staff before they find out he’s a fugitive on two planets.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Now that’s sex appeal.  Or something.

Review:  This episode, despite being a bit hackneyed, is fun because Okona (William Campbell) is as charming as he advertises.  I love how Riker recommends that Okona gets limited access to the ship, but that apparently didn’t extend to all the vaginas that Riker was likely trying to keep for himself.

There are three awkward moments, however.  The first one comes when Riker tells Wesley that Okona has good eyes after he ogles the transporter girl.  Talk about inappropriate talk about a subordinate.  The second one comes when Worf catches Okona making it with another crew member and he says, “I like that, but I have my orders.”  What the fuck?  Gross, and inappropriate as well.

But the third is different, as Troi gives a speech about how some cultures still hold an arcane view of procreation.  And by that she means “mating for life” is arcane.  While I believe it is not the only option in nature, I certainly can’t imagine that in 400 years it will be obsolete or even a bad idea.  And for realsies, Troi’s culture still has arranged marriages.  Get off your soapbox Deanna.

I almost forgot that there’s a subplot with Data getting advice from Guinan and Joe Piscopo on how to be funny.  Data is mildly amusing as he tries his hand at stand-up comedy, but it gets old after about nine seconds.

Synopsis: Data has nightmares…with mint frosting!

Memory Alpha Summary: A cellular peptide review.

Review: The writers get more jokes in about Star Fleet admirals (no wonder Picard doesn’t want a promotion) and new ones about Sigmund Freud.

Another episode where everyone on the ship might die, but there is no tension to be had.  Everything that is good comes from the visuals.  Data stabbing Troi.  Crusher drinking from Riker’s head through a straw.  Worf being seen as a glutton in Data’s subconscious.  The climax was quite underscored.

If you haven’t noticed, many of my reviews for season seven episodes tend to be on the terse side.  I am not sure if it’s because I was getting tired of writing or I was getting tired of the show’s writing. Perhaps both.

Synopsis:  A brilliant scientist (non-crazy kind) kind tries to save his entire planet from destruction, but can’t finish his experiments because his 60th birthday is a comin’.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Forget Obamacare.  This will erase the fucking deficit.

Review:  Why did the Federation make Lwaxana an ambassador?  Up to this point in the series, her social skills have appeared to be severely lacking, irritating most people she meets.  Isn’t that the opposite of what an ambassador should do?

At least she grows a bit in this episode.  I love David Ogden Stiers, and he performs admirably in the role of a scientist who wants to buck his society’s traditions.  The whole idea of ritual suicide to improve dignity and cut health care costs is a bit over the top; but then again, it’s something the Klingons would find honorable.  I wonder, though: if this society has had this rule for centuries, I wonder if their society improved much in the way of medicine.  Presumably, there would then be debates as to raising the suicide age from 60 to say…80 or something.  Also, what if a couple bears a child when they’re say…45?  The kid becomes an orphan while steel a teenager.  Way to go, weird plot device society.

Money Quote

O’Brien, in the middle of another mother/daughter fight:  I’ll go check the pattern buffers.

Synopsis:  A mythical, Atlantis like people with amazing powers reveals itself to the Enterprise, then steals its children because they can no longer have children of their own.  They also steal Wesley, presumably because unlike the other children, he’s got sperm.

Memory Alpha Review:  Episode 1.17 is also #117 on the list?  Couldn’t not mention that.

Review:  Remember in Justice when Wesley was going to be executed and Crusher freaked out like most any mother would?  Well, I guess she got over it, because when Wesley is kidnapped here, she only seems moderately concerned.  At least she yells, “Don’t give into fear!” like they teach you in medical school to say.  And Picard does a wonderful job with empathy and keeping a level head throughout the whole ordeal.

Sadly, Wesley is given the perfect episode, having to protect some younger kids and he devises a plan sensible for any teenager, using passive resistance with his captors.  But Wheaton was absolutely not convincing in his role as a leader.

There is also a lot of too transparent technobabble (just like yesterday’s pick, we’re told it’s easier to beam down through a force field than up through it) which kills some of the dramatics at the end.

That said, I do like the plot and I wasn’t really bored.  Plus, I had to giggle at the ending.  Once Dr. Crusher cures everyone from their sickness (and sterility), I realized that Rashella, one of the planet’s few girls of child-bearing age, is going to have to start getting really busy.

Synopsis:  Barclay’s fear of transporters makes everyone else stupid.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Mediocre, atom by atom

Review:   We are told (and not for the first time) that it’s easier to beam people into a sticky spot, but it’s very hard to get them out of it.  Are transporters like tight jeans?  I don’t get it.

While I love watching Barclay, the episode runs a bit long to me.  The special effects are kind of hokey (when they are supposed to be scary), and it seems all of the other super smart officers are intentionally missing the obvious while Barclay is the only one who has a theory as to what’s been happening.  At least we get lots of O’Brien.