Synopsis: A deaf/mute loses his chorus and then falls for Deanna, obviously losing his mind, too.

Memory Alpha Summary: Okay, at first sight.

Review:  It’s hard to buy that anybody, no matter how magnificent, could never fail at mediating civil wars.  The id, ego, and superego that is his chorus is an interesting concept, but an hour-long episode is too short a time to really explore this fully and it thus comes off superficial.

One great thing is that the crew learns a lesson in working with interpreters.  “Speak directly to me!”  Of course, it’s a little embarrassing that Starfleet Cadets don’t learn this basic form of communication, but perhaps in the 24^th century, nobody is deaf.

When Reva has a crisis of confidence, does Deanna and Co. try to build it back up?  Nah, that would take too long.  So they guilt trip him like crazy until he comes around.  Yeah!  We do get to see the real Picard shine through at the end, as he pulls Deanna into his office to thank her for a job well done.  Short, simple, and what supervisors should do every once in a while.

Money Quote:  “Cluck, cluck, cluck number one.”

Synopsis: Inorganic life forms aren’t very happy when the Federation tries to terraform their planet, which would kill them.  Tsk. Tsk.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Bags of mostly water

Review:  Troi does an excellent job at telling the bridge crew to be suspicious of someone who is acting paranoid and guarded.  You know, just once I’d like her to point out someone is lying when they actually appear to be telling the truth.  I am also noticing just how frequent Geordi makes useless comments from the con that would likely get him a reprimand from any other captain.

Crew antics aside, this episode is high on concept and low on execution.  I am very pleased the writers created an intelligent life form that was not humanoid (I’m not sure the crystalline entity counts).  But once they sense that this life form could be dangerous, they are really slow at problem-solving.  Once they finally try to beam the life form off the ship, it’s too late as it has taken control over the computer.  They try to suck out the environment in the lab, but again, no computer access.  So they decide to manually shut off the lights, which the life form can’t survive without.  Are you telling me there are no manual controls for the environment?

The episode also ends on a captain’s supplemental log, which is very awkward.

Synopsis: Spot’s transformation from male to female to iguana is finally complete.

Memory Alpha Summary: Itsy-Bitsy Barclay climbed up the warp tube conduit.

Review:  Okay, I lied when I reviewed Sub Rosa.  This is the most ridiculous episode of the entire series.  The science behind the devolution is so far out in left field I’m surprised they went with it.  If not for great work from the art and makeup departments, this would be one of the worst episodes.  As it stands, it’s mild fun for an hour if you don’t think too much.

It also has some good jokes, which I always appreciate.  Data determined to do DNA tests to determine the father of Spot’s kittens.  Picard worried he’s going to be swinging through the ship in search of breakfast.  But they’re overshadowed by a preposterous story.

Synopsis: Rich man’s version of The Bonding, though that doesn’t say much.

Memory Alpha Summary: This episode can die along with everyone else

Review: Other than Data cracking me up with jokes about bunny rabbits, there is nothing much to see here.  Noley Thornton does a pretty good job as Clara and is more believable than her counterpart from The Bonding.   Shay Astar isn’t given much of a chance to act as her character is sneeringly evil.

Guinan’s appearance is nice.

Big plot hole:  Worf sees Isabella and does nothing.  He’s in charge of ship’s security.  As he stated in Remember Me, he is accountable for everyone on the ship.  Yet he sees this girl he doesn’t recognize and doesn’t look into it?  Doesn’t sound like Worf at all.

Synopsis: Riker gets cockblocked by the crystalline entity, while the Enterprise takes on board another mad Federation scientist to combat it.

Memory Alpha Summary:  O Christmas Tree, your leaves slaughter millions

Review: The Federation seriously needs to hold more ethics conferences or something, as their best scientists are the most dangerous.  And prejudiced, as Data gets it again (although this time for being Lore’s brother, not because he’s android).

That aside, it’s a pretty humdrum episode.  Picard statement making the entity’s massacres analogous to a sperm whale devouring cuttlefish is prescient.  Otherwise, there’s little tension and I didn’t find Dr. Marr’s interactions with Data particularly moving.  Also, why is it so easy for non-crew members to take the computer hostage?  Weak writing, I say.

Synopsis:  Beverly does stupid things because of corona, and not the beer.

Memory Alpha Summary:  In an episode about Beverly, Ogawa gets the memorable quote.

Review:  Man, this episode could have been awesome.  The sixty second teaser is spot on.  We haven’t had a true Beverly episode since Remember Me and I was hoping for a fun mystery.  But it’s executed with the precision of Dr. Zoidberg.

First, we have Beverly doing  a narration for Guinan’s sake for the first half of the episode that just does not work.  It does not feel at all like Beverly is talking to Guinan, but rather home viewers on a bad children’s program.

Second, the ending is insulting as hell, even more so than Aquiel’s ending.  Crusher violates medical ethics and risks causing an incident between the Federation and the Ferengi because she does an autopsy against the family’s wishes when she has no evidence that a murder even took place.  The autopsy isn’t helpful in the slightest.  Naturally, she is facing a hearing.  She then does an unauthorized investigation, risks her life and a perfectly good shuttle craft as well, gets lucky, and solves the case.  Somehow, by episode’s end, she has been absolved of her unethical behavior and is reinstated as ship’s doctor.  What the fuck?  Solving the crime still doesn’t absolve her from desecrating the corpse of the Ferengi in the first place, especially since it wasn’t required to solve the mystery!

Bleck.  And what a waste of Guinan’s final episode.

Synopsis: Enterprise D: Judgment Day

Memory Alpha Summary:  No ticket!

Review:  It’s been a full season since the holodeck nearly killed members of the crew, so what the hell; let’s bring it back one last time to try and kill off the entire ship.

This episode has a lot of neat imagery, but it feels mostly hollow to me.  The babble about how the Enterprise computer could have become self-aware and created a new lifeform is half-assed, and then nobody seems worried that the computer won’t just do this again someday and jeopardize the crew. The third to last episode of TNG was representative of season seven, recycling old ideas with lazy writing.

Synopsis:  Troi becomes, according to the producers, “sexy and scary.”  Well, one of them.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Apparently, the writers “gangbanged” the script.  This review had no such treatment.

Review:  Because we didn’t get enough “ambassador who is awesome at negotiations but oh so fragile” in Loud as a Whisper, we now have a guy who dumps his bad emotions on hot chicks and then pretends they’re his mother.  Yeah.

There are some fun scenes in the script, including Troi seducing the terrified ensign and calling another officer a whiny bitch in a counseling session.  But then the episode turns into Unnatural Selection where Troi gets so old she almost dies and then her cells magically return to normal again once things are fixed.

Reduce, reuse, recycle.

Synopsis: Lwaxana Troi is so horny she falls for a holodeck bartender, Or: Where Tracy Tormé says ‘fuck it’ and combines all of his idea into one plot.

Memory Alpha Summary:  The #1 fact about this episode is that the writer used a pseudonym to protect his name.  That says it all.

Review:  This is one of the weaker scripts for Lwaxana, as she basically acts like a broken record, setting up jokes for the rest of the crew.  Data gets the best scene, as Picard encourages him to tell long, esoteric anecdotes to break up his ‘romantic’ dinner with Lwaxana.  It’s always fun when Picard plays on the holodeck, but in this script it’s just another way to set up more antics for Ms. Troi.

Wesley proves that he’s also racist, showing severe discomfort around the Antedeans because they’re ugly.  At this point I’m convinced all the writers hate Wheaton.

Synopsis: Wesley’s gone!  Wesley’s gone!

Memory Alpha Summary: Don’t let the door hit you.

Review:  The team who wrote and produced this episode universally loved it (and believe me, they’re not afraid to bash their own work), and for the life of me I don’t understand why.   Almost exactly like Samaritan Snare, there’s a very contrived subplot with Riker at the helm that prevents the crew from helping out Picard and Wesley.  This episode is better, but not by much.  Dirgo’s idiocy is obvious and only there to contrast the level-headedness of our perfect ensign, so when he dies it feels gross.   And while Wheaton does a fine job in his last episode, I am just not feeling this fatherly relationship that Picard is supposed to have towards Wesley.  Finally, the fact that after four seasons they couldn’t give Wesley even a modicum of social skills—not even politeness—is maddening.

Picard’s last quote, to Wesley:  You will be missed.  To borrow a phrase from the year this episode came out…not!

In case you haven’t noticed, this is the first episode from season four on this list.