Synopsis:  Data gets his circuits raped by yet another maniacal scientist.

Memory Alpha Summary:  But he was asking for it

Review:  How come nearly every scientist in the Federation is a one-track minded crazy person?  Anyway, there’s not much to comment on for this episode.  It could have been really interesting, but the audience knows too much too soon and the crew avoids the obvious problem for too long.  Spiner is great, of course, as he gets to play a less violent, more whorish Lore for twenty minutes.  The best part is probably the final scene, as Riker messes with Data and his short-term memory loss.

Synopsis:  Two human cultures (one techy, one Amishy) that separated 300 years ago are brought back together…both wanting some Riker DNA (chica-bow-wow)

Memory Alpha Summary:  Attack of the clones

Review:  Two pretty embarrassing episodes in a row.  I like this one better than Samaritan Snare because the plot isn’t as stupid and it’s occasionally funny, but it’s yet another statement episode (in this case, pro-choice).  Riker, who has matured since season one, slips yet again and decides the best course of diplomacy is nookie.  At least his prize this time is actually human.  Also, the Irish stereotyping goes just a wee too far.

One bright spot is (again) Pulaski, who is developing a strong bond with Worf that will unfortunately only get to last a few more episodes.

Have a good holiday weekend everyone.  I’m moving to my new house on Saturday, and hopefully will have new posts starting Monday.

Synopsis:  Picard sees the wizard for a new heart, and Riker helps a race that wants to make their ship go.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Rumors of a sensical plot within have been greatly exaggerated

Review:  This episode is an example of the tenuous potential that bridges seasons one and three.  The awkwardness (Wesley notwithstanding) is no longer there, but the strength of storytelling is still lacking.  For starters, how the hell does a race as stupid as the Pakled get into space in the first place?  They’re cunning only in the basest sense, but when the tables are turned on them they are too stupid to realize it.  The rescue plan is bloody hilarious, but it still doesn’t negate the ridiculousness of the trap.  On top of that, Troi, the only person on board who senses that the Pakled are up to no good, is conveniently not around until after Riker sends Geordi into the trap.

On the other hand, I love the Picard subplot.  And I love Pulaski.  When Crusher orders Picard to do something, he rebuffs her until she gives up, her loins aching.  Pulaski doesn’t take his shit for a second.  She’s the perfect complement to him.  And even though Wesley (who is traveling with Picard to take his exams) is again given the “Kick Me” sign again with asshole lines like “You’re not too comfortable with me, I understand sir,”  Picard handles it with grace and leadership.  We learn a significant part of his past, his run-in with the Nausicans, a part of him that will be revisited later on.  Unfortunately, the ending is contrived, with Pulaski having to save his life, but at least Picard gets to drop a Mark Twain quote at the end.

Synopsis:  Geordi violates more protocols with his “mom” than he did with Aquiel, but for what it’s worth isn’t quite as unethical.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Unlike the reading rainbow, this interface cannot take you anywhere.

Review:  While I’m glad to see that Geordi finally has a family, this is just not a terribly interesting episode.  The “brand new” interfacing technology seems not all that fancy compared to what’s already on the Enterprise.  And I just didn’t get all that worked up about Geordi finding his mother.  Perhaps it was because I didn’t sense any chemistry between he and his mother.  It seemed Crusher family-like.

Also, Data acting unethically here by helping Geordi…I don’t buy it.  While it’s very human, I can’t imagine his ethical program allowing for the multiple loopholes in protocol that he exploits.

The only part I liked was the final scene where Picard disciplines Geordi for his actions, but then has the decency to apologize to Geordi that he couldn’t find his mother.

Synopsis:  Worf wants to light candles and bond with a boy orphan.  Yeah, exciting shit.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Please sir, I don’t want some more

Review:  The first clunker of season three was the first episode written by Ronald Moore.  Jeremy Aster’s character is pretty bland, and the actor who plays him is fairly blah, even for a child actor.  Thus, I don’t really care about his fate.  Also, the episode finale is just endless talking, with the adults telling the children how they should feel.  It’s all very paternalistic to me, and I wasn’t moved at all during an episode I felt should have been moving.

Picard finally says that children shouldn’t be on starships due to fact that they haven’t “signed on” to the risks.  Valid point, sir.  However, I think the children who live on a starship would make the best officers.

And, lo and behold, Troi is quite useful as the counselor, giving some pretty decent advice to Worf…which he promptly ignores.

Synopsis:  Wesley almost gets lucky with a shapeshifter and then gets pissy about it.

Memory Alpha Summary: Duck!

Review:  This one is so bad it’s funny.  It starts out with a bang as Geordi gives Wesley the rest of the day off because he’s horny.  Then Wesley asks Geordi for girl advice(!).  Then Worf lets Wesley know that during the Klingon courting process, dudes read love poetry and ladies throw things.  Data relates mating to the histocompatibility complex of the cell membranes.

Then Wes makes his move.  He selfishly asks Salia to stay with him even though she is on her way to save millions of people from death.  Of course, it’s only because he fell in love in the span of about two days.  And then after he throws a temper tantrum when he finds out Salia is not humanoid, he brings her chocolate beans and tells her she now has a “taste to remember me by.”  Ewwww!

There were two non-silly highlights.  Riker and Guinan flirting hardcore in front of Wesley was grin-worthy and Guinan giving non-condescending advice to Wesley about love was a nice touch.

Synopsis: The hippie daughter from The Wonder Years runs away with Q

Memory Alpha Summary: Not that hard to resist, actually

Review:  The dullest TNG episode that starred Q, it recycles the plot from Hide and Q.  And it’s not executed well at all.  First we have this girl whose world has been turned upside down by learning she’s Q, which comes with a naturally heavy psychological burden.  So who counsels her?  Why, Crusher of course!  Troi is nowhere to be seen for the first half of the episode.

Q has some funny lines as usual.  Ripping on Crusher for becoming more shrill with every passing year and then turning her into a dog.  Snarkily criticizing Picard for his propensity to give speeches.  But it can’t save this weak story.  It ends with a fizzle as well, as Amanda joins the Q continuum because she wants to help people.  Does she ever come back to help the Enterprise again?  Not that we’re told.  Yawn.

Synopsis: Our very special environment episode

Memory Alpha Summary: On green friendly non-paper

Review:  While I appreciate what the writers were trying to do here, there’s just too much 20^th century angst that shows through the script for me to really enjoy it.  It also hamstrings the writers of DS9, or at least it would have had they not completely ignored this episode’s recommendation that star ships don’t exceed warp five.  It also took this episode about twenty-five minutes to get to the main story (after two subplots wrestle with each other for screen time) and I was bored and lost by the time it was brought up.  I will say Levar puts in a strong performance.  Watching Geordi struggle to accept a scientific theory that could affect his livelihood is a disheartening but honest experience.

At least Spot gets some quality screen time.  “Geordi, I cannot stun my cat.”

Synopsis:  The Enterprise turns into a swamp while Data turns into Sybil.

Memory Alpha: Let’s leave symbols to the symbol-minded.

Review: You know, some ideas are just so high concept that it’s best just to leave them alone. Perhaps this confusing story could have worked for a full-length movie, or better yet, a novel, but there’s just too much exposition for a 42 minute show.  The performances are fine, but there’s no heart.  There is also no real tension, no real climax.  Very unsatisfying.  Mad props, though, to the art department.

Synopsis:  Wesley gets to order around his superiors for the first time while sober, and Data violates the prime directive not once, but twice.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Friends don’t let friends watch this

Review:   I could talk about how nobody really knows how to direct Wil Wheaton, or write good lines for Wesley, or that the really boring Prime Directive debate ends with Picard more or less saying, “Fuck it, go ahead.”  But I want to talk about Miles O’Brien.

At this point in the series, he’s been a supporting character only, mainly just transporting people on and off the ship.  But it’s easy to see why they eventually featured him more prominently and then gave him a starring role on Deep Space Nine.  Colm Meaney is a superb actor, and he can brighten up a simple scene with a quip and a smirk.  He can do serious, he can do sad, he can do funny.  When Riker not-so-subtly makes it known he’s about to violate the Prime Directive and orders O’Brien to take a nap, the latter delivers two perfect lines.  “Right sir, I’ll just be standing over here dozing off.”  When Riker needs him later, O’Brien quips, “Just woke up, sir.”  They’re good lines, but Meaney handles them masterfully.

O’Brien, I adore you.