Synopsis:  An ancient Vulcan weapon is found that Gandhi would defeat handily.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Arr, pirates!

Review:  The series’ final two-parter is a little heavy on the camp and a little long on time, but it has many great individual scenes that make up for it.  Killing Picard in the teaser is sort of like doing the “Hey your shoelace is untied” joke, so I’m glad they didn’t wait for part two to show him not-surprisingly not-dead.  Anyway, the great scenes:

–Riker and Troi fighting in the ready room.

–Data (as acting captain) putting the smackdown on Worf.

–Data “playing along” with Riker when he’s on the pirate ship.

Unfortunately, most of the good stuff is in the first part.  And then we have Data acting unethically two episodes in a row, even if for logical reasons.

I didn’t mind the episode’s conclusion and the explanation behind the psionic resonator.  It was very Trekky: hammy, but in a good way.  It just doesn’t make for a powerful episode.

The denouement is hilarious, with Data escorting Riker to the brig.

Synopsis:  A planet that was basically a giant arms dealer but is devoid of life now is not quite done yet showing off its wares to Riker (and no, that’s not a euphemism).

Memory Alpha Summary:  The crew was relentlessly attacked by fleas during filming.  Oh, season one!

Review: Although a bit clumsy, I like this episode for its individual parts.  Riker’s conversation with his old buddy (who turns out to be a hologram) is great, as Riker inform him that his ship, The Lollipop, has just been commissioned.  “It’s a good ship!”  Ha!

Geordi takes over the ship after Picard joins the away team for no significant reason other than to get screen time (after all, he could have sent down some redshirts to risk their lives).  Watching Geordi command is always fun, as he’s always simultaneously excited and nervous (sadly, we’ll never see this again).  Troi also proves herself useful, not by reading emotions, but by counseling Geordi in his new position.  Imagine that!  It’s too bad Guinan will soon take over this role, rendering her completely useless.

However, there are two major plot holes in addition to other problems.  First, Riker and  Tasha refrain from jumping into the pit to meet with Picard and Crusher because it’s too far.  Data does so, because he’s an android.  If he’s that strong, why doesn’t Data offer to catch Riker and Tasha if they jump?  Second, when Picard succeeds at shutting down the defense system, why doesn’t the drone attacking the Enterprise also shut off?  There’s no explanation.

Also, Logan, our 20^th chief engineer so far, first yells at Geordi to abandon the away team in the name of safety.  Then, when Geordi decides to run away, Logan rails on him for abandoning the away team.  Make up your mind, you pompous prig.  Worse yet, Geordi makes an official log entry in which he laments his conflict with Logan off-handedly.  How inappropriate!  I do feel for Logan, though.  He outranks Geordi (as do many others on board) but Affirmative Action for blind people allows this contrivance, or something.

Despite these missteps, the two climaxes save this episode.  Vincent Schiavelli is perfect as the peddler.  I only wish Picard and Crusher could have had more screen time together in the pit.  It seems a writer left the show after this episode because he said Roddenberry discouraged character development.  Well, Roddenberry died and this scenario would be much better explored in Attached, during season seven.

Synopsis:  Troi becomes a Romulan, and unfortunately, doesn’t stay that way.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Meet the Tal Shiar, a more galactic KGB.

Review:  So during this episode we wind up on the Romulan border.  In the previous episode (Aquiel), we were on the Klingon border.  Two episodes before that (Chain of Command) we were on the Cardassian border.  Does the Enterprise ever stay in one place?

Anyway, Troi finally gets an episode about her that doesn’t suck.  Her empathic skills are put to good use and her ability to improvise in a terrifying situation is fun to see and gives her character more depth, and strength.  My main quibble is that Spock’s cowboy diplomacy is now obviously including kidnapping and murder.  Picard seems to dismiss a little too easily that Spock’s guidance led his own officer to be terrorized in the name of long-term benefit.  I would imagine he (and the rest of the crew) wouldn’t be so immediately delighted at the end about obtaining the defector.

Synopsis:  Another egocentric scientist nearly destroys the federation by making everyone die of old age in a few days.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Dammit, Picard, I’m a doctor, not a one-season replacement!

Review:  Seriously, go away mad scientists!  The plot about genetically created children (Darwin Station…groan) is rather exploitive and the technobabble deus ex machina is laughable.  But this episode is really about the relationship between Pulaski and Picard and it’s written wonderfully.  It’s nice to have someone who will actually stand up to the captain yet still respectfully.  They’ve already made Pulaski more interesting than Crusher in just seven episodes (and that’s being generous to Crusher).

Though, I guffawed when Picard said, “let me finish my sentences,” as if he hasn’t been interrupting people since day one.

Synopsis:  Picard outsmarts some Romulans by playing with colored shapes.

Memory Alpha Summary:  It’s nice to know Sesame Street is around in the 24th century

Review:  A solid episode marked by a couple of storytelling issues.  The Yamato, which we saw a fake version of a few episodes back, is seen for real this time before blowing to smithereens within a couple minutes.  Neither the crew nor the audience know why, so Picard downloads the logs of Yamato’s captain and listens to a whole bunch of them, one right after another.  It’s exposition that would make a Bond villain blush.  Then, Wesley comes in, talking and talking and talking before finally spewing his inability to cope with people dying in the space military.  Thankfully, Picard can’t even finish his “there, there Wesley” speech before his replicator gives him a potted plant to eat with his crumpets.

This plodding section aside, the story is quite sound.  A lot of humor is injected with all the malfunctioning systems, culminating with Riker asking for some rocks to use as weapons.  And down on the Iconian planet, Picard engages in some quick-thinking by warping himself onto the Romulan ship to save himself.

This marks the first of several times the Federation goes out of their way to save Romulan lives without receiving any love in return.  You’d think after a while it would lighten them up.

Synopsis:  Enterprise, meet Borg.

Memory Alpha Summary:  They can’t be bargained with.  They can’t be reasoned with.  They don’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear.  And they absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are assimilated.

Review:  While this episode does an excellent job at introducing the Federation’s most feared enemy until the Dominion, it is weakened by Q popping up constantly like a VH1 video.  His comic relief doesn’t fit with the ominous nature of what they’re encountering, and it leaves a weird taste in my mouth.

I do like Sonya Gomez, and wish she had become a recurring character.  Geordi also shines again in his new leadership role while handling her anxieties.

Also, the Borg use a “laser beam” to cut the Enterprise?  It’s well-established in this series that lasers are a very weak weapon.  Someone in the technobabble division must have been asleep that day.

Picard saves the day once again by showing restraint and humility rather than posturing.  Good job captain.  Unfortunately, this episode feels more like a tease than anything.

Synopsis:  Picard commits treason and premeditated genocide but gets welcomed back with open arms when he changes his mind.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Should have just used Hitler

Review:  I know this episode is at the top of most people’s lists.  That’s just simply ridiculous.  First of all, we’re introduced to Shelby, this blonde bimbo who thinks she can just swoop in and take over a man’s job.  Who does she think she is?  If she’s taking over anybody’s job it should be Troi’s.  Then she can be Riker’s imzadi.

Then Picard tricks the crew into chasing after the Borg, a ship they stand no chance of defeating.  After he gets “captured” he finally feels free to let out some of his angst at Wolf 359.

At least Wesley gets some quality screen time.  I love how he helps invent this weapon using the deflector dish.  Of course, it doesn’t fucking work, which is asinine.  And then when we’re about to see Wesley’s moment of triumph, we get this TO BE CONTINUED bullshit.  Maybe it was for the best since it didn’t work anyway.

The second half is worse, except for the Wolf 359 part.   Riker and Shelby get all chummy.  Data (who supposedly has a morality subroutine) mentally rapes Picard.  And then the “climax” is Picard saying “Sleep, Data” over and over again.  Yeah, I too was ready to sleep after watching this.

I’d rank this lower, but it has Guinan, and she is super hot, as usual.

Synopsis:  Riker, who fails to take caution with the revolving door, gets his away team stuck in a casino hotel until Data learns how to rig the craps table.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Mama needs a new pair of shoes!

Review: There are many cool things in this episode.  Beaming up the NASA debris.  The eeriness of the revolving door.  Finding the diary of a petrified astronaut.  Discovering they are living out a poorly written pulp novel.  The problem lies is that there is little tension, as the away team is never in any real danger.  And watching actors intentionally act poorly isn’t as fun to watch as one would think.  Still, it’s fun, so I’m game.

It is amusing, now that we’re over twenty years out from this episode, how many simple predictions were proven wrong so quickly.  NASA changed their logo like two minutes after this episode aired.  It is also mentioned how NASA made their 3^rd attempt at travelling outside our solar system in 2037.  Given that the space shuttle program has recently been discontinued, I seriously doubt this will come anywhere near true.  Of course, when this episode aired, we were supposed to be only a decade away from colonizing Mars.  Finally, Fermat’s Theorem was solved seven years after Picard tells us that it was still unsolved.

Perhaps more annoying is that Data tries to give blackjack advice to the stupid girl, and he is completely and utterly wrong.  “The odds favor standing pat,” he says.  The girl has hard 13 and the dealer has a king.  The odds actually favor hitting in this case.  However, I got myself a look at the original script, which has the dealer showing a five.  If that were the case, Data would be right.

Tracy Torme, who was responsible for three of the best episodes in season one (none of which have appeared on the countdown yet), quit after lead writer Michael Hurley tore this script to shreds, eventually leading Torme to quit the show.  I wonder what could have been had he stayed, though I didn’t particularly like The Schizoid Man, so perhaps it wouldn’t have been all gold.

Synopsis: Q meets the crew of the Enterprise along with us, and correctly points out over and over again how dense they are.

Memory Alpha Summary:  And Data can’t whistle

Review:  Patrick Stewart and John DeLancie (as Q) notwithstanding, the acting is pretty terrible, and the dialogue often hokey.  The actors are obviously not comfortable in their roles yet.  Sirtis is especially irritating, overacting at every opportunity, leaving me in as much “Pain!” as she was.  But the plot is pretty cool (despite the fact that the audience knows way too much too soon), and it sets the stage for multiple appearances by one of the best villains in sci-fi history. There is a nice, albeit too short cameo appearance by DeForest Kelley as Bones McCoy. Finally, the episode did a good job at introducing the main cast and making them all interesting (with the exception of Beverly, who they didn’t make interesting until she came back in season three).

Observations

–Picard mentions that he is informed that there will be a highly experienced officer at Farpoint station waiting for him to fill the first officer position.  However, in Best of Both Worlds, Picard admonishes Riker when he criticizes Shelby’s risky behavior by saying, “Sounds like a young Lieutenant Commander I recruited as a first officer.”  It would seem to me more likely that Picard, captain of the flagship of the Federation, would be allowed to choose his first officer rather than have him be assigned; thus, Picard’s phrasing here seems off.

–Data seems bizarrely unable to understand the most basic human phrases in the first season.  Bad in social situations?  Absolutely.  But with his trillions of calculations per second and his ability to use reason, not understanding basic aspects of language doesn’t ring true.  However, they did get their money’s worth for quite a while with Data spewing laundry lists of synonyms.

–Picard gets angry a lot during the first season, as evidenced here by yelling at someone to shut off the audio alarm during Red Alert.  He is kind of a dick to Riker when he arrives on board, and he also overreacts to Wesley’s actions on the bridge when the perimeter alert occurs.  However, in the real world I have noticed new bosses often begin with a more labile mood as they are often nervous, unsure of how their subordinates will act and react.

–The fact that children are on board seems pretty ridiculous by our standards.  The Enterprise is not just a ship of exploration; it also serves as the flagship and is often the first called when there is a border situation with Federation enemies.  However, with how rarely these officers get back to Earth, I don’t believe it is entirely unethical to raise a family on such a ship.  Perhaps children that grow up in a situation like this could wind up being the most resilient and make the best future officers.

— In addition to constantly emoting, Troi is often useless throughout the series, only sensing the most blatantly obvious emotions from others.  However, she is actually useful in the pilot.  Without her sensing the alien’s emotions, it is well possible that the crew does not solve the mystery in time, if at all.

Synopsis:  The devil comes back to take an entire planet hostage, and Kirk Picard attempts to play God.

Memory Alpha Summary:  No word if she went down to Georgia

Review:  This whole script is straight out of TOS, but because it’s really funny in places it still works.  The courtroom scene is even more contrived than the one in Measure of a Man, but it allows Data, the impartial judge, to make some hilarious observations. To wit:

“The advocate will refrain from expressing personal affections for her opponent.”

Oh, Data.  You save so many mediocre episodes.

Picard gets to utter his best quote so far.  “Method acting?  I’m vaguely familiar with it.”  What a beautifully meta line.