The quick reb fox

Flustered, Terrence started over.

The quick red fox jumped ovr teh lazey

Why was this so hard?

The quik fox red jum

He tore out the sheet, fighting back tears.

“Hey Terr, wanna shoot some hoops?”

He nodded. Something he was good at. He closed the notebook, grabbed his dorm key, and joined his roommate.

K: Ah, yes, another one that does both depressing and funny. Tragically funny, but whatever. The setup and tone sets the payoff up beautifully. BRONZE

MD: So much is going on here. 59 words, and you manage to encapsulate a learning disorder; the fact that the learning disorder did not keep this kid out of college because, most likely, he played basketball well enough to get a scholarship; and enough empathy to not be mad or feel this kid is “coasting” on a sports scholarship. GOLD

W: Again, the things in the final paragraph that are left unspoken really help this story. My only quibble is that if his inability to write could push Terrence to tears, would he really be so willing to quit just to play basketball? That doesn’t seem as persuasive knowing that he’s old enough to live in a dorm. SILVER

I recently watched a documentary about kids similar to the one in the story. One student was hiding his Dr. Seuss books so his friends didn’t know he couldn’t read. Anyway, I remain in third place with just two weeks to go. Playoffs are certainly not a lock. Next story has to be about an artist.

“You are guilty,” Judge Arundel bellowed, “of banging my gavel.”
“Objection, Your Honor,” ADA Franks replied, bending over. “Move to strike.”
“Your briefs are definitely out of order.”
She cooed, looking back. “And the jury is well hung.”
Bradford sighed, setting his pen down. He didn’t know how they made state, but high-schoolers shouldn’t write their own dramatic duo.

K: Oh boy…I could tell you a lot of weird stories about high school speech, which is one of the saddest things to which I ever gave significant time. As it happens, I DID typically do dramatic duo. This is pretty fun, in its way, as it has a bunch of eye-rollers leading to a good reason for them to exist. SILVER

MD: I was going to roll my eyes if it was going to turn out to be an out-and-out sex joke. Then it turned into a sex joke written by teenagers, and it was slightly more entertaining. The downfall? The name “Arundel” just made me think of Arendelle, and now it’s STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. “Arendelle’s in deep, deep, deep, deep…snow.” BRONZE

W: I was getting pretty annoyed with the cheesy dialogue, so I’m glad Bradford was, too! I can only imagine Bradford having to score a whole bunch of godawful stories while remaining sane and trying to provide some constructive feedback. BRONZE

Not my strongest week, but it was enough to launch me into third place in the standings with three weeks left. I was a high-school speech judge one year, though I was never given dramatic duo. But I judged some bizarre prose and great speeches rounds.

“Says here your biological mother…” He cleared his throat. “Is deceased. Sorry, that’s all I know.”

Her shoulders collapsed. “My father?”

He knew about her foster care treatment. He knew her need for a father. Now he could be for her what he couldn’t be eighteen years ago.

“Again, I’m sorry.” He averted her gaze. “It says father unknown.”

Continue reading Fiction 59–Parent →

Magnus hit all five targets on the first shot then quickly skied off. He was going to represent Finland this year, but that dream ended when the Russians invaded. His friends insisted he’d dominate the ‘44 games. Perhaps that was true, but with the blood of five Russians now on his hands, he’d never do this for medals.

K: Whoa. Strong twist, though I think it could be more personal. I’m asking a lot here, but there are 19 of you and I have to, right? Still, a very different attack on the challenge. BRONZE

MD: My former roommate is of Finnish descent, and he always brings up the skiing and shooting prowess of the Fins against the Russians. What makes this story is the recognition that our protagonist can’t possibly compete in his chosen sport for “fun” after having to do it to fight a war and survive. SILVER

W: Historical fiction? There’s some Pirate bait! This simply story shows without telling and allows Magnus to capitalize on his athletic abilities. My only quibble would be that I would probably refer to the invaders as Soviets. GOLD

Can’t believe I said Russians instead of Soviets. Thankfully, I was forgiven for that. I had already written the rough draft when I discovered that the 1940 Olympics were going to be held in Helsinki. This successful week launched me into 4th place with five stories left to go.