Publisher: Kaigan Games
Developer: Kaigan Games
Year: 2017
Platform: Windows, Mac, iOS, Android, PS4, XBox One, Switch

Rating: 2

Several years ago I played my first “found phone” game, A Normal Lost Phone. While the premise was intriguing, I found the puzzles contrived and the gameplay too repetitive. Simulacra amplifies these problems to excruciating levels while adding the worst acting I’ve even seen in a video game.

The game loads with you looking at a stranger’s phone, asking you for a password you don’t have. After failing, the phone bugs out before a video appears of the owner, Anna, speaking in a panic about her predicament, with some vague creepy statement about being behind her own eyes. Then the phone resets and you can explore it normally.

But before you have time to explore, some douche named Greg texts incessantly, complaining about how Anna is ghosting him. It’s immediately clear that he’s an ex who doesn’t think he’s an ex. He even drops a voice memo, where he somehow manages to squeal and curse with a noise like he’s taking an excruciating dump. His line “Fuck it sooooo muuuuchhhH!!!!!” is so ridiculous there’s a YouTube video of people just reacting to it. More concerning for me, though, is that it’s plainly obvious he’s abusive but the game requires you to seek his help to find Anna. He’s never not gross and I felt dirty just interacting with him.

Greg out of the way temporarily, you can do a deep dive into Anna’s phone. This is my favorite part of the game, getting to know her through pictures, vlogs, e-mail, voicemails, and her dating site matches. The occasional light puzzle is needed (e.g. finding the birthday for Anna’s cat to password reset her e-mail), but for the most part it’s easy breezy. You can even swipe left or right on her matches and even chat briefly with a couple of them.

Occasionally another person will send you a voice memo, and the acting of everyone else is barely better than Greg’s. Ridiculously, sometimes other characters will call you and speak at you even though you never respond. The police call you on multiple occasions and they never act like a real human. At one point the officer thinks he has your voicemail even though you clearly answered and are just being silent.

Outside of Greg, you also frequently interact with Taylor, one of Anna’s dating profile matches, and he’s just as much of a tool as Greg. While not verbally aggressive, he’s creepy as fuck. Worst yet, the game punishes you for NOT trusting him. I didn’t trust him and got the “worst” ending. Another ridiculous plot point sees you (if you like) turning in one of Anna’s coworkers for sexual harassment despite threats from her boss to keep it on the down low; when you move forward anyway, HR posts on their social media accounts that an employee is being investigated and the boss chides you for ruining one of their accounts. I’m willing to suspend disbelief in a lot of cases, but HR voluntarily telling the public about an internal investigation moments after it begins is just too preposterous.

Your investigation into Anna’s disappearance always remains incredibly vague. Greg and Taylor send you on goose chases, looking up stuff on the internet or trying to access her work computer remotely. The puzzles are generally obvious (but not at all realistic), though the characters will give you not so subtle hints most of the time if you ask them. Your character keeps telling others they’re “getting closer” to finding Anna despite there being no indication where she might be.

Despite how dull and repetitive the game had been, I pushed through due to its ease of play and some genuine curiosity about what happened to Anna. Sadly, the endgame is mostly one long exposition from Anna’s assailant that finally details what a Simulacra is while barely explaining anything that’s happened. How you save Anna or not feels completely arbitrary, and even if you do, the denouement is an unsatisfying ten seconds or so. Afterwards, you are given some statistics about how your choices compare to others around the world, with some prompts about how you can access the other endings. I was mildly interested in the other paths, but not enough to slog through the entire game multiple times. After watching the various endings on YouTube, I don’t regret my decision.

Simulacra begins with a hint of horror and interesting research but repeatedly fails to evoke any other emotions, mostly due to the wretched writing and acting. Unless you are huge fan of the found phone genre (and maybe not even then), steer clear. There are two sequels and I can’t imagine I will play either of them.