Synopsis:  Another egocentric scientist nearly destroys the federation by making everyone die of old age in a few days.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Dammit, Picard, I’m a doctor, not a one-season replacement!

Review:  Seriously, go away mad scientists!  The plot about genetically created children (Darwin Station…groan) is rather exploitive and the technobabble deus ex machina is laughable.  But this episode is really about the relationship between Pulaski and Picard and it’s written wonderfully.  It’s nice to have someone who will actually stand up to the captain yet still respectfully.  They’ve already made Pulaski more interesting than Crusher in just seven episodes (and that’s being generous to Crusher).

Though, I guffawed when Picard said, “let me finish my sentences,” as if he hasn’t been interrupting people since day one.

Synopsis:  Picard outsmarts some Romulans by playing with colored shapes.

Memory Alpha Summary:  It’s nice to know Sesame Street is around in the 24th century

Review:  A solid episode marked by a couple of storytelling issues.  The Yamato, which we saw a fake version of a few episodes back, is seen for real this time before blowing to smithereens within a couple minutes.  Neither the crew nor the audience know why, so Picard downloads the logs of Yamato’s captain and listens to a whole bunch of them, one right after another.  It’s exposition that would make a Bond villain blush.  Then, Wesley comes in, talking and talking and talking before finally spewing his inability to cope with people dying in the space military.  Thankfully, Picard can’t even finish his “there, there Wesley” speech before his replicator gives him a potted plant to eat with his crumpets.

This plodding section aside, the story is quite sound.  A lot of humor is injected with all the malfunctioning systems, culminating with Riker asking for some rocks to use as weapons.  And down on the Iconian planet, Picard engages in some quick-thinking by warping himself onto the Romulan ship to save himself.

This marks the first of several times the Federation goes out of their way to save Romulan lives without receiving any love in return.  You’d think after a while it would lighten them up.

Synopsis:  Enterprise, meet Borg.

Memory Alpha Summary:  They can’t be bargained with.  They can’t be reasoned with.  They don’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear.  And they absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are assimilated.

Review:  While this episode does an excellent job at introducing the Federation’s most feared enemy until the Dominion, it is weakened by Q popping up constantly like a VH1 video.  His comic relief doesn’t fit with the ominous nature of what they’re encountering, and it leaves a weird taste in my mouth.

I do like Sonya Gomez, and wish she had become a recurring character.  Geordi also shines again in his new leadership role while handling her anxieties.

Also, the Borg use a “laser beam” to cut the Enterprise?  It’s well-established in this series that lasers are a very weak weapon.  Someone in the technobabble division must have been asleep that day.

Picard saves the day once again by showing restraint and humility rather than posturing.  Good job captain.  Unfortunately, this episode feels more like a tease than anything.

Synopsis:  Picard commits treason and premeditated genocide but gets welcomed back with open arms when he changes his mind.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Should have just used Hitler

Review:  I know this episode is at the top of most people’s lists.  That’s just simply ridiculous.  First of all, we’re introduced to Shelby, this blonde bimbo who thinks she can just swoop in and take over a man’s job.  Who does she think she is?  If she’s taking over anybody’s job it should be Troi’s.  Then she can be Riker’s imzadi.

Then Picard tricks the crew into chasing after the Borg, a ship they stand no chance of defeating.  After he gets “captured” he finally feels free to let out some of his angst at Wolf 359.

At least Wesley gets some quality screen time.  I love how he helps invent this weapon using the deflector dish.  Of course, it doesn’t fucking work, which is asinine.  And then when we’re about to see Wesley’s moment of triumph, we get this TO BE CONTINUED bullshit.  Maybe it was for the best since it didn’t work anyway.

The second half is worse, except for the Wolf 359 part.   Riker and Shelby get all chummy.  Data (who supposedly has a morality subroutine) mentally rapes Picard.  And then the “climax” is Picard saying “Sleep, Data” over and over again.  Yeah, I too was ready to sleep after watching this.

I’d rank this lower, but it has Guinan, and she is super hot, as usual.

Synopsis:  Riker, who fails to take caution with the revolving door, gets his away team stuck in a casino hotel until Data learns how to rig the craps table.

Memory Alpha Summary:  Mama needs a new pair of shoes!

Review: There are many cool things in this episode.  Beaming up the NASA debris.  The eeriness of the revolving door.  Finding the diary of a petrified astronaut.  Discovering they are living out a poorly written pulp novel.  The problem lies is that there is little tension, as the away team is never in any real danger.  And watching actors intentionally act poorly isn’t as fun to watch as one would think.  Still, it’s fun, so I’m game.

It is amusing, now that we’re over twenty years out from this episode, how many simple predictions were proven wrong so quickly.  NASA changed their logo like two minutes after this episode aired.  It is also mentioned how NASA made their 3^rd attempt at travelling outside our solar system in 2037.  Given that the space shuttle program has recently been discontinued, I seriously doubt this will come anywhere near true.  Of course, when this episode aired, we were supposed to be only a decade away from colonizing Mars.  Finally, Fermat’s Theorem was solved seven years after Picard tells us that it was still unsolved.

Perhaps more annoying is that Data tries to give blackjack advice to the stupid girl, and he is completely and utterly wrong.  “The odds favor standing pat,” he says.  The girl has hard 13 and the dealer has a king.  The odds actually favor hitting in this case.  However, I got myself a look at the original script, which has the dealer showing a five.  If that were the case, Data would be right.

Tracy Torme, who was responsible for three of the best episodes in season one (none of which have appeared on the countdown yet), quit after lead writer Michael Hurley tore this script to shreds, eventually leading Torme to quit the show.  I wonder what could have been had he stayed, though I didn’t particularly like The Schizoid Man, so perhaps it wouldn’t have been all gold.

Synopsis: Q meets the crew of the Enterprise along with us, and correctly points out over and over again how dense they are.

Memory Alpha Summary:  And Data can’t whistle

Review:  Patrick Stewart and John DeLancie (as Q) notwithstanding, the acting is pretty terrible, and the dialogue often hokey.  The actors are obviously not comfortable in their roles yet.  Sirtis is especially irritating, overacting at every opportunity, leaving me in as much “Pain!” as she was.  But the plot is pretty cool (despite the fact that the audience knows way too much too soon), and it sets the stage for multiple appearances by one of the best villains in sci-fi history. There is a nice, albeit too short cameo appearance by DeForest Kelley as Bones McCoy. Finally, the episode did a good job at introducing the main cast and making them all interesting (with the exception of Beverly, who they didn’t make interesting until she came back in season three).

Observations

–Picard mentions that he is informed that there will be a highly experienced officer at Farpoint station waiting for him to fill the first officer position.  However, in Best of Both Worlds, Picard admonishes Riker when he criticizes Shelby’s risky behavior by saying, “Sounds like a young Lieutenant Commander I recruited as a first officer.”  It would seem to me more likely that Picard, captain of the flagship of the Federation, would be allowed to choose his first officer rather than have him be assigned; thus, Picard’s phrasing here seems off.

–Data seems bizarrely unable to understand the most basic human phrases in the first season.  Bad in social situations?  Absolutely.  But with his trillions of calculations per second and his ability to use reason, not understanding basic aspects of language doesn’t ring true.  However, they did get their money’s worth for quite a while with Data spewing laundry lists of synonyms.

–Picard gets angry a lot during the first season, as evidenced here by yelling at someone to shut off the audio alarm during Red Alert.  He is kind of a dick to Riker when he arrives on board, and he also overreacts to Wesley’s actions on the bridge when the perimeter alert occurs.  However, in the real world I have noticed new bosses often begin with a more labile mood as they are often nervous, unsure of how their subordinates will act and react.

–The fact that children are on board seems pretty ridiculous by our standards.  The Enterprise is not just a ship of exploration; it also serves as the flagship and is often the first called when there is a border situation with Federation enemies.  However, with how rarely these officers get back to Earth, I don’t believe it is entirely unethical to raise a family on such a ship.  Perhaps children that grow up in a situation like this could wind up being the most resilient and make the best future officers.

— In addition to constantly emoting, Troi is often useless throughout the series, only sensing the most blatantly obvious emotions from others.  However, she is actually useful in the pilot.  Without her sensing the alien’s emotions, it is well possible that the crew does not solve the mystery in time, if at all.

Synopsis:  The devil comes back to take an entire planet hostage, and Kirk Picard attempts to play God.

Memory Alpha Summary:  No word if she went down to Georgia

Review:  This whole script is straight out of TOS, but because it’s really funny in places it still works.  The courtroom scene is even more contrived than the one in Measure of a Man, but it allows Data, the impartial judge, to make some hilarious observations. To wit:

“The advocate will refrain from expressing personal affections for her opponent.”

Oh, Data.  You save so many mediocre episodes.

Picard gets to utter his best quote so far.  “Method acting?  I’m vaguely familiar with it.”  What a beautifully meta line.

Synopsis:  Troi uses her bizarre half-Betazoid power of sensing life on planet surfaces to get the entire crew in serious shit.

Memory Alpha Summary:  It turns out taking hostages is an effective tool for terrorists.

Review:  Hooray for seatbelts!  They save the lives of the landing party and teach kids a valuable lesson.

It must have been great fun for the three possessed actors here to play evil characters, especially Spiner, who rarely gets to use emotion.  Even better, he didn’t remind me of Lore.  Sirtis is always more entertaining when she’s pissed, too.  A little on the long side with too much talking, but an inoffensive, fun episode anyway.  Data and Worf’s interactions were the best.  “Your restraint was most remarkable.”  The script could have used similar restraint.

Synopsis:  During a recreation of the Ancient West, the holodeck safety guards fail.  In other news, the Enterprise crew have free time and several officers almost die.

Memory Alpha Summary:  And nobody calls Data yellow.

Review:  Does anybody on the ship ever get to enjoy their down time?  Anyway, the holodeck malfunction is very contrived, but fun all the same.  Hearing Data tell Spot, “Vamoose you little varmint!” is hilarious, as are Spiner’s other antics on the show.  Alexander isn’t too annoying, and Worf actually gets to kick some ass for once.  Too silly to be tense, but a nice diversion.