All posts by Beau

Jim Croce

Date of Death: September 20, 1973
Age: 30
Cause of Death: Plane Crash

The only person on the list to die before I was born. My father had told me multiple times the story about how he had tickets to see Croce in concert shortly before his plane crashed. It never hit me until I actually listened to his albums just a couple of years ago. His voice was smooth as silk and he was a master folk lyricist. He said he was retiring after that tour, so perhaps we never would have had more Croce albums to listen to, but somehow I doubt it.

Fiction 59–Gravedigger

I have started playing in another contest of Fiction 59 stories. There will be ten stories to write, all 59 words or less, all having to do with one profession or another. There are twenty contestants, and the top six scores (based on the Olympic medal system) after ten weeks go to a playoff.

The first week’s prompt was to write about a gravedigger. Judges comments below.

Hazel’s arthritic hands could barely affix the grave marker.

“You were the most precious kitty,” she wept. “I’ll never forget you.” She stepped back to admire her work.

Sadie XCIX
2013-2014

Whiskers brushed her leg. For the last time, purring broke her silence.

“There, there Sadie.” Hazel scratched her behind the ears. “I’ve saved room for you, too.”

K: I assume Hazel’s burying them because she’s about to die? The darkness works best if I make that assumption, so I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. Or she might just be crazy, given the insane number of Sadies, which is also fun. GOLD

MD: This made me laugh mostly because I was expecting another soon-to-be-offing-herself widow story and, instead, Hazel’s burying her cat. There is so much hiding between the lines in this story. It’s a good use of 59 words, even if the concept is kinda silly. She’s buried thousands of cats, all named Sadie, and apparently this one only lasted a year. She’s saving room for the other Sadie, who is, for some reason, WITH her at the gravesite. She had a gravestone especially made for her bazillionth dead Sadie. It’s all so absurd. BRONZE

W: Full confession for the rest of the competition: in my mind, six feet under is the best place for almost all cats. Bonus points for killling a cat, hinting at the deaths of 98 other cats, and implying the future death of a cat, but it’s just not quite enough for me.

 

Phil Hartman

Date of Death: May 28, 1998
Age: 49
Cause of Death: Murder

I was a moderate fan of Hartman while he was on SNL. I was an avid fan of his role on The Simpsons as Troy McClure (and others). I was an enormous fan once he hit NewsRadio. I didn’t realize how much he made that show until he died. I pretty much stopped watching it afterwards, especially since it meant more screen time for Andy Dick. In fact, I don’t think I’ve regularly watched a situational comedy week in and week out since NewsRadio. Granted, I’m older now, and there is also Netflix, but I really looked forward to seeing Bill McNeil. And I’m still pissed that he’s gone.

George Carlin

Date of Death: June 22, 2008
Age: 71
Cause of Death: Heart Failure

The oldest death in this list. I more or less worshiped at the comedic altar of Carlin when I was a teenager. I found his general disdain for all authority very appealing, and his crazy antics made me laugh without fail. I saw two of his HBO specials live (You Are All Diseased and Life Is Worth Losing), and watched his final special about three weeks before he passed.

His death was not the least bit a surprise. He had three heart attacks, multiple angioplasties, and long-term chemical addictions. I actually thought he wouldn’t make it to 70. His last special, while funny, was also kind of sad to watch. He stuttered a lot, lost his place a couple of times, and just looked really tired. Despite this, it still hit me when I heard the news. You just knew the guy would do specials until he died, and I was hoping he’d be providing comedy for a long time.

That said, I don’t really watch his stuff anymore. I’m older and his stuff just doesn’t resonate with me like it did when I was younger. I’m less cynical about people now and I tend to appreciate comedians who are more laid back and smile while doing their jokes. But he inspired Louis C.K., who I think has taken the best of Carlin’s act and improved it three-fold. So thanks, George.

Philip Seymour-Hoffman

Date of Death: February 2, 2014
Age: 46
Cause of Death: Acute mixed drug intoxication

The only death on this list I learned via iPhone on my Facebook feed. I was in a room of people and exclaimed “Ah, shit!” as soon as I read it. One of my favorite actors, I liked him instantly when I first saw him in Scent of a Woman. I’m not a huge movie watcher, but I managed to also catch him in The Big Lebowski, Patch Adams, and Happiness. I didn’t really care for the last two movies in that list, but I vividly remember his performances. So far I have managed to miss Capote and Moneyball, though I want to see both. I had just watched Catching Fire when I heard the news. Even when the guy got a handful of lines in a movie that wasn’t going to win him any awards, he nailed his performance. I hear he had already filmed his scenes for the third Hunger Games movie. I’ll watch that, if nothing else, to see Hoffman one more time.

Stevie Ray Vaughan

Date of Death: August 27, 1990
Age: 35
Cause of Death: Helicopter Crash

Another posthumous reaction from me, as I certainly wasn’t listening to him when I was ten years old. I was introduced by a friend, and Vaughan (in addition to John Fogerty) was responsible for my love of guitar music. The Sky is Crying and Texas Flood are two of my favorite songs. Pride and Joy is pretty awesome, too.

I had a speech teacher in college whose office was a shrine dedicated to Jimi Hendrix. If you even hinted that Vaughan was a better guitar player you might risk getting a lower grade. I don’t really see the point in debating it, as they’re both obviously incredible. Their styles are also different. I prefer Vaughan’s, and I still have never seen anyone handle a guitar with such speed and grace. I really wish I could have been collecting his music for decades.

Kirby Puckett

Date of Death: March 6, 2006
Age: 45
Cause of Death: Stroke

If Puckett had died in 1992, he’d probably be at the top of this list. I’ve loved baseball since I was six and I revered Kirby. He was one of the best players the Twins ever had. He hustled. He was always smiling. And his body was so oddly shaped that you thought, heck, if Kirby can become a major leaguer, maybe I can too.

Unfortunately, he died shortly after his near-perfect public image was shattered by domestic disputes and criminal charges. Despite being exonerated on all charges, the ideal of Kirby was gone. He ballooned to over 300 pounds. He became just a regular dude who I rarely ever thought about. Still, when the news of his sudden passing came, it was a sad day. If I had any celebrity childhood hero, it was him. And a part of me hoped that someday he’d somehow win our hearts again.

Kirby is the only celebrity on this list that I’ve met. At the 1994 NBA Jam Session, Kirby was signing autographs. I was sicker than shit and waited in line for almost an hour. I remember Bill “Boom Boom” Brown was signing autographs, too, though I didn’t know he was at the time. I got Kirby’s autograph on one of his baseball cards (which is still encased in a hard plastic case). I shook his hand and got up the nerve to talk to him. I asked him if he was glad that the divisions had been realigned and that they’d get to face the Cleveland Indians more often now. I was thirteen, oblivious, and assumed the Indians would be terrible for all eternity. Kirby just smiled and explained that they have some good players coming up and that they’ll probably be pretty tough. I thought he was just being polite. Whoops.

Heath Ledger

Date of Death: January 22, 2008
Age: 28
Cause of Death: Prescription Drug Intoxication

This reaction was definitely post-mortem. When Ledger died, I had only seen The Patriot and barely remembered him. However, I was blown away by his performance in The Dark Knight. I also recently saw Brokeback Mountain. Talk about range. This guy could have had a really special career, and I am saddened that I’m going to miss out on it. And that he felt he needed all of those benzos to feel relief.

John Candy & John Ritter

Date of Death: March 4, 1994
Age: 43
Cause of Death: Heart Attack

Date of Death: September 11, 2003
Age: 54
Cause of Death: Aortic Dissection

When rounding out my top ten, both of these guys came to mind and I couldn’t pick one over the other. In both cases, when I heard, I was like “Awww, man.” I haven’t even seen much of either guy’s catalogs. I really like Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, but otherwise a lot of Candy’s movies were either not good or his skills weren’t pushed as he played the big-hearted buffoon over and over. I have a feeling Candy could have done very well with some dramatic roles, or even some GOOD comedies. As for Ritter, I wasn’t able to get into any of his TV shows, despite finding him affable. But I loved his performance in Sling Blade. Scrubs dedicated an entire episode to its main character grieving his death (as Ritter played J.D.’s father), which was a nice touch.

I guess both of these guys were just really likable. While I wasn’t expecting either of them to blow me away with future roles, it was just sad to see them gone so young.

Ten Celebrity Deaths That Mattered To Me

Recently I learned news of a celebrity death and my immediate reaction was, “Ah, shit!” I was surprised by this reaction because normally the most I can muster when I hear similar news is curiosity. I have rarely felt any emotional attachment to someone I’ve never met, and when I feel something when a celebrity dies, it’s generally because I’m going to miss whatever form of entertainment they were providing. The next two weeks we’ll look at the ten that provoked the most reaction out of me.

To be clear, the list will just be entertainers. I could provide a laundry list of people that were really important to society that I’m pissed died young (e.g. Alan Turing), but I don’t feel like being angry for two weeks. So, fluff it is!