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Miscellaneous

License Plates: 35-31

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35: Tennessee

I adore the background on this plate. In fact, it’s one of my favorites in the country. And the state’s outline works perfectly where it is. On the other hand, the font for the state’s name is too cursivey for me, and the state’s slogan is microscopic. But it also annoys me when states insert the county on the plate, just in case you forget where you live.  It’s even worse on this plate because it covers up the beautiful background.

34: South Dakota

I don’t totally hate the cursive here. The slogan is alright, but a little cutesy. I know South Dakota is not famous for much other than Mount Rushmore, but it just doesn’t work for me here, as nearly all of it has to be covered up by the plate number.

33: Pennsylvania

Here are those marching band colors again!  I do appreciate that the website advertised at the bottom is not repeating the name of the state, and is their tourist versus their government site.  But that just makes me hate it less.

32: Nebraska

This would be a really solid plate if not for the outline of Nebraska. Not only is it red, it feels like a child drew it and then randomly wrote some letters and numbers over it.  Doesn’t fit at all.  Oh wow, I just noticed the state website there in ultra tiny font.  That’s just ridiculous. Just assume I ranked this lower than I did.

31: Arkansas

I may be seeing things, but are these two different shades of maroon? If so, why? Color consistency is bizarrely missing on some of these. Anyway, that gaudy diamond knocks this plate down a couple of pegs. I don’t even think it would work if made smaller.  At least they picked a perfect font for the state name.

Miscellaneous

License Plates: 40-36

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40: Kansas

I’m not against using the state flag as a backdrop to a license plate, but I’d prefer to see more than forty percent of it. The off-center shot of the emblem doesn’t work for me either, and neither does the cornflower blue. I am completely digging the font, though. The state’s name in all caps work perfectly.

39: Massachusetts

Too much red!  Also, this plate tells me nothing about Massachusetts. The spirit of America?  Um, okay.  Good font, though.

38: Vermont

This one was tough for me to rank. One one hand, it’s clean and crisp. I like the white lettering. It’s just the style reminds me of the 1950’s. And, indeed, this design has barely changed since then. One other nitpick: the slogan’s font size is too small and too thin.

37: Alaska

Alaska, like most states, has some beautiful specialty plates. But their standard issue is pretty dull.  It’s very easy to read, but this color combination is garish. And the flag just looks sad.

36: Utah

I like almost everything about this plate. The font for the state’s name kicks ass. The slogan works on multiple levels. But man, the color scheme is not easy on the eyes. Of course, I’ve driven through Utah, and it’s not always easy on the eyes in person.

Miscellaneous

License Plates: 45-41

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45: West Virginia

I appreciate how clean and easy to read this plate is, but that’s about it. The colors look like what the losers in the marching band lottery got stuck with. There’s nothing separating the first and second halves of the plate number, so the big white space looks like an accident. And that slogan sounds like it was ripped from a soft-core romance novel.

44: California

I think everyone recognizes this plate from TV and movies, and I’m sure many Californians would defend it. But it doesn’t do anything for me. Nothing on here says anything about California. My complaints about the color red and cursive still stand, and the plate number would be very difficult to memorize.

43: Virginia

See my complaints about California. It ranks higher because there’s no red and the plate would be easier to memorize thanks to the letters and numbers being separated cleanly.

42: Michigan

Much like Maryland, I would probably rank this higher if it weren’t for the pointless, obtrusive URL at the bottom. If I had a Michigan plate I would get a plate cover, which doesn’t speak to its design.  The rest I’m fine with, though it’s a little bare bones.

41: Oregon

I like having the evergreen tree in the middle, and including the Rockies is fine as well. But it looks the Easter Bunny threw up all over this. Get a better color palette and this could be top 20 for me.

Miscellaneous

License Plates: 50-46

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50: Florida

A lot of the license plates that I don’t like I can see a possible defense for. Or at least a state pride thing. But I can’t imagine anyone who owns a car in Florida doesn’t recoil in horror every time they have to look at this. I can deal with the oranges, I guess, though they’re a little big. But the dark green, especially transposed over light green, is 70’s fashion gross. Then we get the state website shoved in our face, in curved font, with a change in font size  just to make sure you know the name of the state is Florida, not MyFlorida. I like the mention of it being the sunshine state, but why is it in a different font than the website?  Just a disaster, through and through.

49: North Carolina

I’m not a big fan of this much red dominating anything, let alone a license plate. It’s a harsh color, and doesn’t compliment blue all that well. But it’s not just the colors here. The Wright Brother’s plane is good in theory, but on a license plate it’s just a mish-mash of lines that are covered up by the motto. As for the motto, even ignoring the fact that North Carolina may not have been the first state where a plane flight occurred, why is that something for a whole state to be proud of?  It’s not like the Wright Brother’s flight attempt was a huge event organized and funded by the North Carolina taxpayers. I like the wheat field idea, but it just doesn’t work in blue.

48: Maryland

I know I’ve complained about the colors so far, though black type on white background is really unimaginative. The shield, depicting the Maryland state flag, is actually a pretty cool idea. But I’m too annoyed by everything else. For starters, I think state names in curly font is not a good idea just for readability, though at least this one is not pure cursive. But what really gets my goat is the website. Not only are we needlessly repeating the state name a second time, they felt the need to include “www” as if there’s been a need to type those three letters in an address bar in the past decade. Finally, is it really that hard to find the official state website? They all end in dot gov, and the website is the first hit if you type “Maryland” into Google. What a waste of space. Seriously, take out the website all together and this plate would be middle of the pack.

47: Illinois

Uh oh, red lettering again. But that’s the least of my complaints here. The font for the license number is a bad choice, what with the number four being too stylistic for a cop to read at 80 miles per hour. And as I mentioned earlier, not a big fan of cursive for the state name. But the true tragedy is putting Lincoln’s mug right in the center. First, it’s not even centered correctly as the first number covers part of his forehead. But mainly I don’t want to see a face when I’m looking at a license plate. “Land of Lincoln” is also laughable, as if he’s wild game that can only be found in the deep Illinois woods. Lincoln wasn’t even born in Illinois, and didn’t live there until he was twenty-one!

46: Missouri

There’s a lot to like here initially. I dig the big clear font and the light, fading blue background. And I’ve always had a fondness for the state slogan “Show Me.” But the slogan is so tiny that unless you know it’s there, it’s going to be hard to see while driving.  And then we have the outline of the state. Eeg. Not only is it too big, it’s completely covered by the license number and looks really awkward in the background. Putting the license tab in the middle is kind of cool, but it’s very busy. And then we have the state bird, which honestly looks photoshopped. Get rid of the bird and the state outline, and put “Show Me” at the bottom, and we have a solid plate. But, alas.

Miscellaneous

License Plate Countdown

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While I was driving a few weeks ago I saw an out-of-state licensed plate and my first thought was, “Wow, that’s hideous.”  I had never really considered the art and design that goes into creating a license plate, but after taking a look at what each state’s plate looks like, there’s definitely a significant discrepancy between the best and the ones that looked like they were done in Microsoft Word with Clip Art by an intern with an axe to grind.

Beginning tomorrow, we’ll be examining five plates per day, starting with number fifty and working our way up. I didn’t anguish much over these rankings, so if you’re annoyed your state ranks lower than you think it should, then I did my job.

Music

1: Rockin’ the Suburbs (Ben Folds)

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Album: Rockin’ the Suburbs
Artist: Ben Folds
Year: 2001

1. Annie Waits
2. Zak and Sara
3. Still Fighting It
4. Gone
5. Fred Jones, Part 2
6. The Ascent of Stan
7. Losing Lisa
8. Carrying Cathy
9. Not the Same
10. Rockin’ the Suburbs
11. Fired
12. The Luckiest

So here we are. When I first created my list, I had this album at #8.  But the more I listened to the albums in the top ten, the more I realized that this is the only album in my collection that I am never not in the mood for. I’m not entirely sure why. Perhaps it’s the stripped down sound, with few instruments other than Ben’s piano (or Ben’s guitar, or Ben’s drums). Perhaps it’s because each song is enunciated so well that it makes it easy to sing along to. Or maybe, more than any other album I’ve heard, the songs are about real people in real situations. Just look at those titles. We have songs about Annie, Zak, Sara, Fred Jones, Stan, Lisa, and Cathy. Not the Same is about Robert Sledge. Fired is about Lucretia. I love stories, and these songs tell stories.

More than on any other album he’s released, Ben proves here he’s one of the best songwriters ever. Annie Waits is about a girl struggling through loneliness and bad dates and it has a sweet and sad twist at the end.  Zak and Sara is more about the delicious rhymes. To wit:

Sara spelled without an aitch was getting bored
On a Peavey amp in 1984
While Zak without a cee tried out some new guitars
Playing Sara-with-no-aitch’s favorite song

Still Fighting It is about depression and hope, taking place at an Arby’s.  Gone is the album’s weakest song, a fairly generic story about a guy holding onto a girl who broke up with him a while ago.

Then we get perfection.  Fred Jones is one of the saddest songs I’ve ever heard that isn’t about death or suicide. If you’ve never heard it, stop what you’re doing and listen to it now.

Ascent of Stan is a fun song about a hippie who forgot his values.  Losing Lisa is a generic break-up song but has some a pretty fun rhythm.  Things pick back up with Carrying Cathy, an exceptionally written song about a relationship with a girl who is so emotionally exhausting to be around that the guy misses the warning signs for suicide. One line in particular speaks to me:

There were times when I’d find myself saying that:
“Friends, you don’t understand”
And “She’s different when it’s just me and her.”

Not the Same is a true story about a guy who got high at a band mate’s party, climbed into a tree, stayed there overnight, and came down a Born Again Christian. I didn’t like it at first, but it’s grown on me over the years. Rockin’ the Suburbs is the only song on the album that relies heavily on instruments, a jammer that heavily satirizes the music industry. Then we have Fired, about someone at the end of their rope fantasizing about being the boss and firing every last fucker in the office (or in their life, possibly).

The album wraps up with one of Ben’s most revered songs, The Luckiest. It’s the only pure ballad on the album. It’s obviously personal, and very sweet, but it doesn’t hit me as well because we don’t know anything about the woman the song’s about.  Still, it’s better than most ballads on pop radio and a worthy end to an amazing album.

Thanks for sticking with me through the countdown. Talking about music is tough. There’s only so many ways I know how to analyze a song and, unlike say video games, my reasons for enjoying something are less about objective quality and more about emotional resonance.

On Sunday I’ll preview the first of a few short-and-sweet countdowns (i.e., the next one will last two weeks). But before then, I’d like your thoughts on the current one. My hope with this countdown, other than getting to enjoy my collection a bit more, was that you all would find something you liked that you’d never given a listen to. Did you find a hidden gem these past few months? Or was it more like, “Seriously? Fuck country.”

Music

2: When I Woke (Rusted Root)

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Album: When I Woke
Artist: Rusted Root
Year: 1994

1. Drum Trip
2. Ecstasy
3. Send Me on My Way
4. Cruel Sun
5. Cat Turned Blue
6. Beautiful People
7. Martyr
8. Rain
9. Food & Creative Love
10. Lost in a Crowd
11. Laugh as the Sun
12. Infinite Tamboura
13. Back to the Earth

If you love jam bands, it doesn’t get much better than When I Woke. Drum Trip is just that, a long drum solo that really gets things off to a flying and energetic start, seamlessly introducing the rest of the album. Send Me on My Way is their one and only top 100 song. I used to be crazy about it, but one too many appearances in advertisements has ruined that. Thankfully, nothing else had a chance to be overplayed.

For the most part, the lyrics are not the appeal, though they are more moving on this album than on any other by the band. Cruel Sun is an epic, powerful, anti-war ballad. Beautiful People is another amazing ballad about self-doubt, addiction, and existentialist angst. The rest of the songs, for the most part, have lyrics that are about as deep as your typical country song and often make even less sense, but the wide array of instruments and vocal harmonies blend together for a wonderful listening experience.

Music

3: The Chase (Garth Brooks)

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Album: The Chase
Artist: Garth Brooks
Year: 1992

1. We Shall Be Free
2. Somewhere Other Than the Night
3. Mr. Right
4. Every Now and Then
5. Walkin’ After Midnight
6. Dixie Chicken
7. Learning to Live Again
8. That Summer
9. Night Rider’s Lament
10. Face to Face

In the middle of an amazing run where he had multiple albums on the charts and never stopped touring, Garth Brooks released what is still his best album.  A fairly dark album as far as country music goes, The Chase includes some pretty heavy themes with the exception of Mr. Right, which is a short jingle about Garth professing his undying love for a woman, but is totally okay with just sex if she’s down with that.

We Shall Be Free is an anthem for civil rights, and something rarely heard on country radio. It even implied equal rights for homosexuals. Of course, we’d learn on his next album that his version of equal rights doesn’t extend to poor people, but it’s still a pretty good anthem. Somewhere Other Than the Night is a classic Brooks ballad about specific characters rather than ciphers that anyone can identify with. Every Now and Then is another song about Brooks pining for an old flame despite being married (see: Unanswered Prayers), but this one avoids being preachy and has a very pretty melody.

The next two songs are covers. Garth’s version of Walkin’ After Midnight doesn’t hold a candle to Patsy Cline’s, but it’s nice and inoffensive.  Dixie Chicken is a cover of a 1973 Little Feat song about a guy who meets the woman of his dreams and lavishes her only to find out (in deliciously subtle fashion) that he’s about the hundredth guy who’s fallen for her.

Learning to Live Again is my favorite country song hands down. A touching, painful song about a guy with severe depression trying to force himself to socialize again by going on a double date. It doesn’t tie everything up in a pretty bow and echoes the experiences of many in a similar emotional state.

That Summer is the most popular song from the album, reminiscent of Maggie Mae, but incredibly ham-fisted. It tries to be subtle with all the sexual innuendo but I’d much rather hear a real story about these two people without all the dress-up.

Night Rider’s Lament is a tribute to the cowboy lifestyle where Garth takes his shot at yodeling and does a fine job.  Face to Face wraps things up with the album’s darkest song about bullying, rape, and hate. It’s a cold song, and I’m glad Garth did it, but it feels a bit out of place as the final song on an album.

As Garth’s home life went to hell his songwriting sputtered as well, though it may have been coincidence. Nevertheless, his later albums are mixed with a few brilliant songs and a lot of unimaginative trash. His final album, Scarecrow, released in 2001, was a slight improvement and I’m looking forward to if and when he ever records again. He committed to not recording and touring until he raised his daughters, and his last one is finishing up high school, so maybe soon. Though, I wonder if the second best selling artist of all time has anything left in the tank.

Music

4: Before These Crowded Streets (Dave Matthews Band)

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Album: Before These Crowded Streets
Artist: Dave Matthews Band
Year: 1998

1. Pantala Naga Pampa
2. Rapunzel
3. The Last Stop
4. Don’t Drink the Water
5. Stay (Wasting Time)
6. Halloween
7. The Stone
8. Crush
9. The Dreaming Tree
10. Pig
11. Spoon

The final album by Dave Matthews before he decided to try and become pop-friendly, Before These Crowded Streets succeeds brilliantly at being anything but. With the exception of Pantala Naga Pampa, which is a short-intro, every song is at least five minutes long, with five being over seven minutes. Guest musicians abound, including a recently popular one named Alanis Morissette. Many instruments are used to fill out the sound, including trumpets, orchestral strings, an organ, and several types of guitars. And the album is meant to be listened to as an album, as nearly every song has an outro that leads into the next song. Obviously, they were still able to cut a few singles up for the radio, but something got lost on each one in the transition.

Rapunzel is an up-tempo mildly erotic song and provides great energy. The Last Stop is a graphic, angry, anti-war protest song that features Dave Matthews performing an interesting deep growl. Don’t Drink the Water continues the anger, detailing horrific battles to destroy and occupy land taken from Native Americans by Europeans.

Thinks calm down a bit with Stay, but then Halloween is another angry, raw, profane song about Dave’s torment with an ex who turned down his marriage proposals.  The Stone and Crush bring back some simplicity about relationships.. Crush is one of the band’s most popular songs, thanks to a fantastic bass and saxophone opening.  The Dreaming Tree follows on its heels with another easy melody.

The album ends on a really strong note with Pig and Spoon. Alanis provides a pretty solid solo for the latter and is more proof this album wasn’t about Dave Matthews but great music. It’s too bad it couldn’t stay that way.

Music

5: Cosmo’s Factory (Creedence Clearwater Revival)

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Album: Cosmo’s Factory
Artist: Creedence Clearwater Revival
Year: 1970

1. Ramble Tamble
2. Before You Accuse Me
3. Travelin’ Band
4. Ooby Dooby
5. Lookin’ Out My Back Door
6. Run Through the Jungle
7. Up Around the Bend
8. My Baby Left Me
9. Who’ll Stop the Rain
10. I Heard It Through the Grapevine
11. Long as I Can See the Light

CCR had a very short career, with seven albums in five years. Cosmo’s Factory was unquestionably their peak. Only two mediocre and disappointing albums remained, as tensions grew heavily between John and Tom Fogerty. John was the group’s workhouse, writing every song and playing multiple instruments, but he was also a bit of a control freak. While John’s career continued after the break-up of CCR, he released only two albums over the next thirteen years, thanks in part due to his disgust with his record company. John’s voice was so raw and powerful when he was young; by the time Centerfield was released in 1985, he had lost something.

Up Around the Bend is my second favorite Creedence song after Lodi. The opening guitar riff is also my second favorite of all-time after Chuck Berry’s opening for Johnny B. Goode. It’s also the perfect example of a song John could do in his younger years. I’ve heard him in concert later in life, and while he can still pull off his more low-key folk music with no problem, he cannot hit the high notes any longer. When he does this song now, it’s pretty painful. But oh man do I love to crank up the volume when I listen to it here.

The other major hits from this album are Travelin’ Band, Lookin’ Out My Back Door, and Who’ll Stop the Rain, all reaching number two on the charts.  Most Creedence fans know that the band never had a #1 hit, but had thirteen top-ten hits including seven that reached #2.  I’ve never looked up which songs actually prevented Creedence from reaching #1 and I’m afraid to. While hopefully they lost out to solid competition like The Beatles or The Stones, I’d be willing to bet there’s at least one or two mindless pop jingles in there. If any of my readers have access to the Billboard charts for those weeks, feel free to drop a line in the comments.

The reason the album is considered such a masterpiece is that the non-singles are all good as well. There are three covers here, Before You Accuse Me, My Baby Left Me, and I Heard It Through the Grapevine, and all do the original justice, if not improve them. While I prefer Marvin Gaye’s version of the latter song a bit, I do appreciate the extended guitar solo at the end of CCR’s version. Long as I Can See the Light was the B-side to Lookin’ Out My Back Door, and might be CCR’s slowest song. It’s not an emotional ballad, but it’s very relaxing and a solid end.  Ooby Dooby is a silly song reminiscent of 50’s pop music, but it’s short and sweet.  Run Through the Jungle (B-side to Up Around the Bend) is one of three songs taking place in the jungles of Vietnam that would make one believe Fogerty spent time there while in the Army. But, much like all of his songs about New Orleans and living in bayou country, he never spent a day in Vietnam. The guy’s just a fantastic songwriter.

The one song I think gets ignored and makes this album upper-echelon for me is the opener, Ramble Tamble. It’s seven minutes of mostly guitar and drum solos and it’s one my favorite driving songs. It’s almost impossible to start this album and not want to put the pedal to the floor and beat on the steering wheel. There’s an awkward break in the middle where John plays a slower-tempo solo that some complain about, but I think it’s a fine interlude before he goes on and rocks it out for the last two minutes.

Nine of these eleven songs are on the Chronicle albums, the only two being left out were Ramble Tamble and Ooby Dooby. So most casual CCR fans know this album well. If you haven’t listened to this all the way through, though, you’re missing out one of rock and roll’s greatest experience.